The story of young Ralph Hardy just might be the greatest story ever. 13-year old Ralph Hardy is without a doubt the coolest kid at his school and maybe even the coolest kid in America.

The Texas teenager took it upon himself to order an extra credit card from his dad’s existing credit card account, then treated himself and his friends to an orgy of shopping to the tune of $30,000.

I know what you’re thinking, any little monster can steal dad’s credit card and buy stuff. Your right, but it’s what he did after that makes him special.

After the $30,000 shopping spree, the youngsters proceeded to rent a hotel room along with large quantities of junk food, including Fritos, Oreo cookies, and Dr. Pepper.

When the inquisitive hotel clerk asked young Ralph how he’s come into so much money, Ralph explained that he and his friends had just returned victorious from a “World of Warcraft” tournament and were just blowing off a little steam.

Then the boys decided to cap the afternoon off by ordering a couple of $1,000 a night hookers from an escort agency.

When the two hookers arrived they thought the boys seemed a little young, but young Ralph quickly put to rest their concerns. He explained that he and his friends were people of “restricted growth” who were with a traveling circus.

He further informed the women that it’s against Texas state law to discriminate against the disabled, and they have no right to refuse them service.

It wasn’t long after the arrival of the two hookers that the hotel clerk finally called the cops. The Police arrived to find the boys in the hotel room with $3,000 in cash, two hookers, a ton of junk food, and a stack of video games.

When asked by the Police why he ordered two prostitutes, Ralph said that’s just what you do when you win a “World of Warcraft” tournament.

Ralph was arrested and charged with Fraud and subsequently given three years probation.

The two call girls were released without charges, after it was determined that they played “Halo” with the kids instead of having sex with them.

Young Ralph says that he’s interested in becoming a politician one day.

I am officially declaring Ralph Hardy the living embodiment of awesome!

-Chris Jones
The Hot Joints

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