I was recently watching a documentary about Nostradamus, some claim him to be the greatest fortune teller of all time, however his predictions were done in such a way as to be obscure. Scholars have heatedly debated the quatrains for many, many years. Was he sage or village idiot? Did he predict the assassination of the Kennedy brothers, the rise of Hitlers Third Reich, or the great fire of London?

Many people make the argument that Nostradamus had to obscure his writing to prevent attracting unwarranted attention from the Catholic Church.

It was with Nostradamus in mind that I decided to revisit William Shakespeare and his opus Macbeth. Was it possible that the Bard was actually telling us a story that was different from the one that the scholars and PhD’s would have us believe. Could Shakespeare have obfuscated the true message? Was he in fact talking about Fast Food in the 21st century?

Even the title might contain a clue, could he have really wanted to call the play McDonald? There is after all a Lord McDonald is in the original.

I believe that the key to unraveling the true story behind Macbeth is hiding in plain sight in the opening lines. Clearly Shakespeare was trying to mask the real story.  Applying the same PhD techniques used on deciphering Nostradamus, we find:

Act 1 Scene one – The three Fast Food witches on the blasted heath:

When shall we three meat again
In thunder lightning or in rain!
When the burgers done,
When the patty is lost and won.
That will be ere the set of bun.

Where the place
Upon the mall
there to meet with McDonald

I come, Whitecastle!
But KFC calls
Fair is fowl, and fowl is fair:
Hover through the fog and filthy fryer

Later in the play Shakespeare again returns to the three Fast Food witches with the ominous lines:

Double, double oil and trouble;
Chicken burn and cauldron bubble.

My guess would be that this is a reference to KFC. It is clearly a reference to using vats of oil to deep fry foods.

Other clues abound when analyzing the words of the dreaded hags. The three fast food witches greet Macbeth (McDonald) with:

All hail, McDonald! hail to thee, thane of Wendys!
All hail, McDonald, hail to thee, thane of Carls Jr.
All hail, McDonald, thou shalt be the Burger King hereafter!

Maybe the most telling of all is Shakespeare revealing the Colonels secret recipe. I am surprised that all of the learned scholars have not picked up on this clue before:

Scale of dragon, tooth of wolf,
Witches’ mummy, maw and gulf
Of the ravin’d salt-sea shark,
Root of hemlock digg’d i’ the dark,
Liver of blaspheming Jew,
Gall of goat, and slips of yew
Silver’d in the moon’s eclipse,
Nose of Turk and Tartar’s lips,
Finger of birth-strangled babe
Ditch-deliver’d by a drab,
Make the gruel thick and slab:
Add thereto a tiger’s chaudron,
For the ingredients of our cauldron.

So there you have it folks! I have decoded Shakespeare. I have no doubt that the worlds leading researchers will be contacting me. My studies are just beginning, and for that reason it would be premature to announce my latest findings from within the words of the Bard. It is fair to say that they are disturbing. While he uses the the witches to discuss fast food, it is my contention that Shakespeare uses both Macbeth and Lady Macbeth to warm us about GMO food and High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS).

More soon. Have a great Thanksgiving.

Simon Barrett

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