You knew it was going to come to this, just admit it. In what is clearly a not-so-secret attempt to undermine wholesome American fast-food world domination, and after having carefully established a bridgehead of McCafés to help facilitate their diabolical and subversive plans, a group of some 30 German McDonald’s restaurants has now begun “experimenting” with serving cereal yogurts, vegetable sticks with humus, Indian and Thai curry and – I cannot believe that I am typing this – soup. Friggin’ Russian soljanka at that.

Many customers were “pleasantly surprised” by the new products, a spokesman for the group is reported to have said. Yeah, right. Pleasantly surprised to have found anything real to eat at all, you mean. So are you going to Souper Size Me now, or what?

I remember a time when you could walk into a McDonald’s, look the kid straight in the eye and order a damned hamburger. Without having to lower your voice, I mean (actually, I would always order four or five). But, then again, I still remember a time when a space shuttle landing wasn’t a news item and when “July 4th was a whole week in July… For you see, I used to be one hell of a woman.” Okay, trivia time: Who said that?

It doesn’t matter who said that. What matters now is that we undertake something. Immediately. I, for one, plan to go underground and join that anarchist fringe wacko anti-McDonald’s group in Kreuzberg. If they will still let me, that is.

Come visit me at Observing Hermann…

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