According to the mainstream media, “Lawyers for Joseph Edward Duncan III said Wednesday he will admit to the murder of 9-year-old Dylan Groene at a campsite in Montana and to three slayings in Idaho if state prosecutors will agree not to seek the death penalty.”

Wow, so at least we know who committed those murders. It was that scoundrel Duncan who has been sitting in jail this whole time.

But wait, we already knew that. The evidence was, like, overwhelming. In fact, they caught him with videotapes of some of the acts. There’s nothing amusing about that, though it still somehow sounds like an episode of “World’s Dumbest Serial Killers.”

Defense dropped its demand for the videotapes after the prosecution agreed they would not present the tapes as evidence, no doubt to keep the evil they contained from getting loose in the world and because they already have sufficient evidence on Duncan.

Just like the case of Alphonso Rodriguez, who recently received the death penalty for the abduction of college student Dru Sjodin in Grand Forks, North Dakota, the evidence against Duncan is overwhelming. In fact, there’s even more evidence against Duncan than Rodriguez. So what is the word which is beyond “overwhelming?” Conclusive? Airtight? Open and shut like Duncan’s casket waiting just beyond a door of the state execution chamber?

Knowing he is all but assured of the death penalty, pathetic Joseph Edward Duncan III tries to spare his life by offering to plead to crimes the state will not have difficulty proving. Watch the worm crawl for his life. Crawl, human worm, crawl.  

Um, I guess I should mention, for the record, that I morally and intellectually oppose the death penalty in all forms, but I just can’t make myself get all worked up and unhappy about seeing it used. Dogs and cats put down in so-called “humane societies” should have as much right of process and appeal as somebody like Duncan, who has contributed less to society than a stray dog or prowling tomcat.

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