German authorities, who wish to remain unnamed, have arrested a man in Düsseldorf suspected of smuggling unnamed armaments equipment to an unnamed non-European country. The suspect was accused of breaking German export laws which nobody was able to name right now.

Being that this guy has obviously been getting away with this stuff for a year or two at least, the unnamed authorities said that they would not identify him or the country that received the goods in order to better safeguard their ongoing investigation and their sorry unnamed asses for as long as humanly possible.

The unidentified suspect allegedly procured numerous undesignated goods and unknown spare parts and delivered them to the unsaid country in an unnamed continent that wasn’t Europe. It is believed that he did this on behalf of a foreign spy agency which has of yet refused to be identified.

“They were used in armaments projects there,” an officer reading the police statement said (his name tag was missing, though). “But these projects were secret and therefore don’t have a name yet.”

When asked for just a tiny little bit of more information please, reporters came up against a wall of silence. “No, no. Sorry. We won’t name the unnamed country,” said another one the nameless spokesmen. “But I’ll give you a hint: It wasn’t the United States.”

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