German police are puzzled by the mysterious disappearance of three top soccer coaches, all having vanished within a short 24 hour period. Unconfirmed reports indicate that the baffled cops are even considering calling in Jack Bauer to help investigate the matter. Bauer, obviously of German descent, won’t be able to invest all too much time into clearing this mystery up, however. But he will certainly do his very best (he always does). Given his busy schedule and all, I mean.

After one point in two games and slipping down to fourth in the standings, Bayern coach Felix Magath inexplicably vanished into thin air in Munich on Wednesday. And before investigating detectives even had time to ask for a second cup of coffee and a couple of more Pfannkuchen bitte, Hamburg coach Thomas Doll went “pop” and disappeared, too. Within minutes, Borussia Moenchengladbach manager Jupp Heynckes did the same.

To make matters even more confusing, there have been numerous sightings of Magath in Hamburg (his old club) immediately following his mysterious disappearance in Munich, as if some eerie and unknown form of quantum leap technology might have been utilized in the crime. Privately, some officials speculate that the Americans could be behind all of this.

“This makes absolutely no sense at all,” said one cop, scratching his head with one hand while wiping off some glazed frosting from his moustache with the other. “As far as we can tell, none of these victims have anything at all in common. Other than losing a bunch of soccer matches, that is.”

Jack Bauer could be reached for comment on the matter. But he couldn’t say anything just then anyway, out of breath as he was and all.

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