A fugitive and unnamed 6-to-8-foot bull shark, believed to still be vacationing off the coast of Florida, is being sought for urgent medical treatment after having bitten into an old, sinewy and completely tasteless German leg somewhere off a beach near Naples, Florida. The crusty 68-year-old German tourist the leg belongs to had been lurking in the warm waters off the Gulf of Mexico coast when the surprise and tasteless attack occurred.

This incident was just the eighth such shark attack in the area since record keeping began in 1882, according to the International Shark Attack File at the University of Florida. But many fear that once word gets around to the other sharks about the current poor quality these feeding grounds now find themselves in, occasional publicity-generating shark attacks like this might just stop altogether.

“Enjoy the waters near the beach, but just remember that it’s their water, too,” said a spokesman from the Naples natural resources department through a bullhorn held just under the water’s surface a few feet from the beach. He was clearly referring to the hoards of visiting German tourists hogging the beach chairs behind him. “And always be aware of your surroundings out there, know what I’m sayin?”

Authorities then cordoned off 300 feet of water in front of the Naples beach and urged sharks to avoid the water for the next 48 hours at least. Emergency Medical Services said that although the bite was serious, it will not be life threatening for the animal. Left untreated, however, nausea and lack of appetite could carry on for several weeks.

“It’s important for the sharks to understand that these kinds of legs are extremely rare,” said the spokesman with the bullhorn. “Most of them are quite tasty. Finding one like this is similar to getting struck by lightning. Only the lightning doesn’t get hurt, of course.”

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