“We aren’t idiots,” said a Polish EU commissioner for Polish-German relations while smashing an ice cream cone into his forehead. “Why should Poland agree to a decrease in its influence? It’s already much too strong as it is. I mean negligible, of course.”

A crucial EU summit being held in Brussels today has set the stage for yet another tense encounter between Germany and Poland. Germany will be attempting to revive parts of the aborted European constitution in a vain attempt to reform the institutions of the 27-member bloc and has run up against strong Polish objections while doing so. Poland fears that a proposal to allocate EU voting power according to population will diminish its voice in Europe while its old enemy Germany, which has more than twice the population, will gain votes.

“Since when does having more people mean having more votes unless you’re Poland?” asked an incredulous Polish President Lech Kaczynski.

“Yeah, really,” added his evil twin Polish Prime Minister brother Jaroslaw Kaczynski. “And don’t forget that it was the Germans who inflicted unimaginable injury and terrible harm on us Poles long before my birth. These were incomprehensible crimes, at least for someone with a brain like mine. And besides, in reality we Poles are absolutely crazy about the Germans while the Germans just do not like Poles,” he stuttered, breaking down and sobbing quietly into the microphone he had placed into his ear.

Current EU President and German Chancellor Angela Merkel, for her part, is slowly losing patience with the Polish government’s recalcitrant stance and its constant false accusations about German aggressiveness and not-niceness and is thought to be seriously considering the possibility of releasing the world’s strongest robot upon the Kaczynski twins and have them slowly ripped apart limb by limb during a live Eurovision television broadcast.

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