Unable to otherwise explain why it is that German men are so tight in their spending and anxious about their economic futures even while the German economy continues to boom on without a hitch, scientists have discovered that these men cannot really help themselves because evolution wants it that way. These were German scientists doing the discovering here, of course.

It appears that men in general and German men in particular are instinctively greedy and take unfair advantage of others as part of some primeval reward-incentive program which was hard-wired into their brains when nobody was looking and makes them giddy and gleeful when finding out that they make more money than the other guy in the office, for instance, or when they save five cents by buying the pesticide-soaked Spanish fruits and vegetables at Lidl. OK, extreme obsessive-compulsive frugality isn’t directly greed, I suppose, but it’s getting pretty damned close.

Experiments showed that whereas German women actually feel somewhat guilty if they are paid more than a co-worker and have no problem paying more for good quality products, German men tricked into thinking or doing so would immediately begin writhing in agony and frothy-mouthed fury, howling like werewolves at the moon, even during broad daylight when the moon wasn’t there or anything.

Further experiments showed that this behavior, or misbehavior, only got worse the closer the interval came to the so-called Christmas season. Or when birthdays or anniversarys came around. So have a Merry zweiter Weihnachtstag already, guys.

Come visit me at Observing Hermann…

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