It looks like a wayward hippie from Haight-Ashbury circa 1967 found himself a time machine and came forward to 2008 and barricaded himself in the editorial room of the Chicago Tribune, today. To celebrate this magical feat, the Trib has gathered together all their best thinkers and, guided by their time leaping hippie, they’ve decided to advocate a little tonic for the New Year: Have more sex in 2008. But, man, let’s not bring us all down with talk of marriage, commitment, and morality, shall we? No, cast off that morality talk. Have sex because it “makes you younger.”

How vapid, eh?

This is a short one — well, it would have to be since they excised any responsible moral behavior from the deal, wouldn’t it? — so here it ’tis from the Trib’s “Health” section:

Here’s one New Year’s resolution that won’t be drudgery:

Have more sex in 2008.

Studies have found that having safe sex several times a week is good for your heart, muscle tone and sense of smell. Sex also can improve your mood and make you feel closer to your partner. recently listed six other good things. Having sex:

  • Boosts the immune system by increasing antibodies.
  • Makes you look younger.
  • Burns four calories a minute.
  • Relieves pain by increasing endorphins and corticosteroids.
  • Promotes regular menstrual cycles.
  • Helps fight incontinence in women by exercising the pelvic floor muscles.

Isn’t it cute how they try to blame this whole episode on Newsweek?

I suppose that since they said “safe sex” they think they’ve covered the bases, but anyone who has been in a sexually satisfying long-term relationship knows how empty of real truth the Trib’s little recommendation is.

Sexual flings, “safe” or not, are mentally and emotionally destructive, especially for women. And assumptions of “safe sex” are illusory when involved with a revolving door of partners, anyway. No, a fully satisfying sex life is much more assured with a single, long-term partner. It is also healthier. Not that the Trib would let anyone know that factoid.

Nice article for a “Health” section, isn’t it?

So, what makes for a long-term relationship? Why, it would be that dreaded “M” word that the Trib so carefully avoided. No, not “manually”… “marriage.” And, what helps cement the ties that bind for that long-term relationship? Having children, a family to nurture and to watch grow into adulthood, naturally.

But, heck… who needs all that straight laced, moral stability stuff, huh?

To be sure, there’s no doubt that sex is fun and can certainly be beneficial but the notion that sex is nothing but fun is a step in the direction of immoral choices, choices that cause more harm than good. I’d also like to point out that the claim that sex burns four calories a minute is a rather specious argument to make as a benefit for sexual activity. If burning calories is the goal, many more can be burned off with real exercise. Few people are able to sustain enough sexual activity to make any difference in burning calories.

But, have more sex, man. It’s, like, free ya know? Make love not… a stable society. (Mark Steyn, you are being paged)

Thanks Chicago Tribune (and Newsweek, too) for this wonderful prescription for 2008. Now, I wonder if this section came with a free condom, a few adult beverages, a fake phone number scribbled on cocktail napkin, and a load of regret in the morning?

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