Although normally stink sauer (mad as hell) about having to step into any kind of light, much less the limelight kind, reclusive German First Gentlemen Joachim Sauer (stink sauer, get it?) finally lightened up a bit during the G8 summit, started drinking heavily, and then began hitting on the first (through the last) First Lady he could find.

Since his wife’s election, Sauer has issued no public statements of any kind, nor has he granted any interviews. Nor does he speak much, either, preferring grunts instead (one grunt means yes, two grunts no). He has also spent an inordinate amount of time living locked away naked and unshaven in a darkened room at an undisclosed location somewhere near the official Merkel residence in Berlin Mitte.

But starting last Thursday he suddenly appeared out of nowhere again and began forcing randomly selected wives of visiting national leaders to go on tours with him to what he had at first said would be “cultural and historic sites.” The unsuspecting women were then flown off to Berlin in a Bundeswehr jet and driven to the Hotel Adlon where he tried to check in with them using an assumed name, systematically subjecting them to Rotkäppchen Sekt and dated “come on” lines all the way.

His “guests” all turned down his indecent advances politely but firmly (except for Cherie Blair) and even tried to cheer him up a bit later by placing the well-lubricated physicist in the middle during one of their group photo shoots. By Friday afternoon all the women had left and Sauer suddenly disappeared again himself, not having been seen again in public ever since.

Come visit me at Observing Hermann…

Be Sociable, Share!