Or call this post Kampf der Giganten (Battle of the Behemoths) on German Soil, if you prefer. And it won’t be just here, either, of course. McDonald’s and Starbucks are at each other’s throats over coffee again (did they ever let go of each other’s throats to begin with?) with Mickey D.’s planning to introduce over 14,000 additional “McCafé” coffee counters in their restaurants this year.

Over 400 of the 1200 McDonald’s restaurants in Germany are already equipped with these Starbucks killing devices and the number is expected to rise to 500 within the coming months. I’m not a big fan of the McDonald’s coffee program (although their coffee ain’t half bad) because, well, I’m old-fashioned or something and feel a bit alienated because I’m just not sure anymore if I’ll be laughed at when trying to order a cheeseburger there.

But, then again, on the other hand, maybe a little more coffee and a little less McBurger action would do me, and the Germans, some good. The average German man currently has a stomach circumference of 96.97 centimeters which sounds impressive because it is but we don’t even want to know what the American man’s stomach is doing right now and the Germans will never catch up to us in that Gebiet (area or discipline) anyway so why the hell are they even trying? The pitiful fools.

Just mark my words. You, too, will one day be telling people not particularly interested in listening to what you have to say how you remember when McDonald’s used to be a place that just sold hamburgers. And then you can tell them, as they walk away shaking their heads at the nonsense they just had to endure, that whenever fast food worlds collide, always get your order to go and drive-through as fast as you possibly can. You know, because you where there.

Do you want cheese with your frappe?

Come visit me at Observing Hermann…

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