Spurned on by the revelations which came to light last year after Günter Grass admitted he was a member of the elite Nazi Waffen-SS, German historians researching Nazi party archives in Frankfurt were surprised to discover that many other prominent Germans were among a select group of individuals who were automatically granted membership to the party in a diabolical mass recruitment effort which took place on Hitler’s birthday in 1944.

Even more shocking however, the researchers found, were the names of other individuals automatically granted membership to the party during the diabolical mass recruitment effort held a few years earlier on Hitler’s birthday in 1937, among them Winston Churchill, Mahatma Gandhi and Louis Armstrong.

“Honestly, we had no idea,” said one stunned egghead. “That most of those Germans on this new list became card-carrying Nazis against their will is one thing. After all, almost all card-carrying German Nazis on any list did, didn’t they? But that such shining examples of non-German goodness and niceness could get caught up in this awful mess, too? Sheesh. What a bunch of hypocrites.”

Efforts to reach the three for comment have not yet yielded any satisfying results. But efforts to reach the yet living prominent Germans for comment haven’t been all too successful, either.

Mein Kampf ist auch Dein Kampf.

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