Not that the adoption of a child is an easy process, but imagine the red tape involved in the reverse process. Why would anyone want to unadopt a child? Well, because shame, distress, and undue pain may be inflicted upon a parent that has a troublesome, adopted child. Yes, this can occur in a biological family too, but that family is responsible for the upbringing of a child, thus the person he/she grows up to be. People whom adopt often times don’t become responsible for a child until a good deal of his/her life has passed, which could be responsible for future misbehavior.Â
Such is the case for Helen Briggs, a 57 year-old Virginia woman. She adopted a boy when he was 9 years-old. He had lived in five foster homes since he was 16 months-old, was abused by his biological parents, and is possibly bi-polar. Briggs claims she was only informed of his past after he molested two younger children while in her custody. The foster care facility she got the boy from apparently only relinquished the information that “he was hyperactive” upon his adoption.Â
The boy is now 15 years-old, and a Virginia law states that after the age of 14, a child must give his/her consent to be removed from his/her adopted parents. The boy wants Briggs to remain his mother. However, given the cirumstances, a judge has granted her wish and the boy is back in foster care. Some caseworkers are disgruntled about the decision, and don’t believe the misinformation rap. Instead they believe Briggs is simply trying to get out of her $427/month child support payment. Â
20 users commented in " Is Unadoption as Easy as Adoption? "
Follow-up comment rss or Leave a TrackbackI read this about the woman who wanted to unadopt her son. There is nothing worse than living with a child who’s mind is set on sexually abusing others. The living as is known with meaningful relationships is pretty much over. There is very little available counseling that even begins to work on sexuall issues like this with children. The child can admit they have sexaully abused smaller children and then after a time at the Therapist office, several different Therapist and Treatment centers, they say they just don’t have thoughts like that anymore, and by doing so really refuse to get the help they need. We know of a boy at 11 who constantly has thoughts everywhere he goes of molesting boys, he cannot go to the rest room anywhere by himself. He says he is driven to watch boys urinating. He wants a chance to touch them. He has to use the teachers restroom at school, when it is open and then locked by the teacher after. He cannot go on any activities with out one of his parents there with him all the time. Children coming to visit in his home he has to be isolated from. Grandchildren cannot come to the home. All the therapist he has seen, say he is not a harm to others, and yet he has molested younger children. He lied to them about it and they believe him in his sweetness of little angelic face. Yet he openly tells how and when it did it with others. Those Therapist he has told the truth to say, he does not seem interested in doing it again, yet he tells his parents and siblings that he thinks of if all the time. His parents are foster parents also and this is their mission in life, it is who they are, to be foster parents to children in desperate need of a home. There are few are this way. Well they cannot do foster care. When others look at that with lack of understanding it is horrible. It would be like saying you can not do your job, any work that you may see as your calling in life, because your son may molest children there. So to say they put foster care ahead of a adopted son is horrible. A missionary who had a son like this would fear doing his job on the mission field because his son may molest while there. Oh I understand that he may have to change is job, and if he is doing this knowing that if he ever turns his back this boy my molest anyway. There is no hope in that. If it were a biological son, the same fear and hurt applies. So who can be that hypervigilant? that they never ever have a minute where this boy is alone to molest again. This boy has shut down the family from any form of relationships that were healthy and needed. These grandchildren need their grand parents as a part of their lives. This boy, has continue to make the wrong choice, giving all the available tools to turn this around and does not care, he says he will molest if given the chance. Well the majority of people judge and will not understand and will condemn, but think of this, at least these parents tried to take in and help those who no one else wanted. These very people who judge them now for not being able to function and have a life, now because of their adopted son, would not have taken a child in the first place, at least most of them, and this is I know for a fact. Yet they judge those who try so hard and their last effort was to not fail at this. It just did not work. Why should this woman be punished for her heart that was so big, and she now has to live with the wrenching heartache that her adopted son molest and destroyed lives of others and will continue to. Where is the help that is really needed for this woman? Jeffery Dohmer, was a quiet shy boy, and yet his thoughts consumed him and his life eventually took him out, the damage done is unbelievable. One DHS person told this family we know that their son was like this man, yet others just cannot believe that is true of a child.
they don’t want it to be truth, but what if? Just what if? Who is responsible then . Why should anyone face shame from the painful place in their hearts where they tried? No one know if all that is done will ever change this boy especially with a sexaully addiction, they mostly just will not get better. I read the statistics say they have a better change when they are so young, and yet show me the statistics of those who have, and where they went to get this help. Really be honest someone and see what the statistics really say. This family if they have to keep this son, may suffer law suits and huge family losses for years to come. They love this boy, but lose every other child in their life that they love too. Why is our government who is so intent on good, not taking in consideration the future for all the people involved here? Why do we not have the treatment that will truly make a difference, and the care for children who will sexually abuse and kill? This family has already had the heartbreak of a child they had hoped for a better future for by adopting him. Their dreams for him were replaced with horror as other children have been hurt so deeply and the cycle goes on. Where is the help that is needed? Anyone?
I would love to be unadopted and wish it was easy. My adoptive parents are/were abusive. Adopted children and adoptive parents are both being failed.
can you have your own children who were adopted out or about to be adopted out unadopted when something is revealed about the prospective adoptive parents: that they have been involved in criminal activity and may be prosecuted?
My husband and I adopted 4 children 8 years ago and our home is no longer a house. These children have stolen, lied,hurt others, gotten pregnant, sent porno over the phone. And this is just a little of it. I am ill and the constant frustration of the last 2 at home is just about to kil me. I don’t know what to do and I don’t know where to go to for help. I have all of the therapists ( who tell you to be patient, calm, and understanding) when if these children had been my Mothers they would not be setting down for a long time. This is how my siblings and I were raised and none of us ended up in JAIL, but now a days the law has taken the control out of parenting and if you so much as smack your kid to get his/her attention, they call the police and bingo Dad or Mom go to jail for “child abuse”. We need to know what we can do to unadopt these kids before one of us is dead. HELP !!!!!
ok I want to unadopt myself a year ago my aunt and uncle adopted me at the age of 21 yes 21. It was a mistake if anyone can give me some guidence on whqt forms I need it would be great. Thanks
i want to be unadopted because my mom is mean and overrolling i have to stay in my room 24-7 and i can’t never go outside and hang with my friends she won’t even let me talk on the phone
deziraedamon@yahoo.com
My biological son was adopted 10 years ago.We since have learned he has been abused for the most part of that 10 years.My life is totally and completely different today and he needs me.If you teach a child to love he will love back in return.If you teach a child respect,he will respect others as well as himself.If you fill his head and heart with hate and anger,he will learn to hate and be angry.Is this anyway to treat and teach a child? We both need answers.PLEASE HELP…
It is no big secret that the most easily adopted children in the USA have issues!! They make “these” children easiest for the lower and low-end middle class families to adopt. The more “desired” children (those without disabilities and issues) are saved for the more prominent familiesg. I have known many families that have adopted. 99% end up with all kinds of issues and the courts make it extremely difficult to “get out of the contract”. I don’t feel that they should FORCE th adoptive parents to keep these unfit children. It is much harder to put a child you have adopted back into the social services cycle than it would be “your own birth child”. If it was your own birth child, you would be able to relinguish the child into the court system as “incouragable”. Meaning, the child refuses to listen to reasonable adult authority. I think it is a bunch of B.S. that they make it virtually impossible for you to relinquish an adopted child to courts in the same manner, especially when their disabilities were not made known to you. It is really unfair, and really discourages a lot of people. Also, the children who have “documented and disclosed disabilities” are more easily adoptable (less loops to jump through) and the state PAYS the adoptive parents a small sum per month. This income in 99% of the cases, is a bit more than the actual expenses of the child. Thus, the child is an “income” for the parents. Believe this or not, but I know several families who have started adopting these “disabled children” as a means to help make their house payments, etc. as they are “guaranteed income” due to their SSI income. Lower income families have begun to turn to this as a ways of helping to “make ends meet” in a time of serious lack of jobs!! Sad situation, all the way around…. very sad.
For all of you birth parents looking to help get these unruly, sometimes violent children from your homes, look into relinquishing them into juvi-system under the “incouragable” status. You go to the court/sheriff’s office to do this. Tell them “child’s name here” picked up and relinquished into the court system as incourable…. I know can be done in the state of Michigan! I am sure it can be done in other states as well.
Excuse my typos, I am very tired….
All of you make me sick, these are children we are talking about. Yes, children can be bad, maybe even evil, but I guess you, as the adults, should have thought about that before you adopted them. I sure hope my son’s adoptive parents are like you people…love is not reversable and neither should your promise to these children be.
* are NOT like you people…I’m so mad I can’t even type…and just so you know, I have been on the other side too…I was the birthmom 15 years ago and now I am an adoptive mother to two ‘difficult’, troubled children
If your going to adopt a kid think first of corse they are gonna have some behavior and emotional problems as they have been abandoned once before and dont no how to trust and love,these kids arnt dogs where if your not happy you can just take the pound. If u took as much time and enagy trying to adopte and put that same time into making the kids feal loved and exsepted they will come around take it from me I was one of those kids doing bad things just to be seen.
Well said birthmum .
I was adopted when i was 2 years old. One of my four sisters was adopted with me. My life seemed to start when I was four years old. I watched my mom and my dad pinn my sister to the ground and stuff food in her mouth every day because she had eating problems. If my sister and i spent more than 10 minutes eating, our food would be thrown away and we would be forced to bed. Later in life my parents started locking everything away from us including personal belongings.
Life part 2. My brothers beat me up. And my parents pulled me out of school because they were afraid of my choice of friends. I was pulled out of school for 2 years, the first year, i was homeschooling but my parents yelled at me for being a slow learner. that year, i did school all by my self while my parents thought i was going to fail my gade. this year, 8th grade, i go to private school, i am quikly seperating from my family. My parent yell at me and be physical to me just becuase i want to be free.
My parents do care about me anymore and just wanna get rid of me. i have no friends or anything, i dont even have a job. i feel like i’ll die when i turn 18 because i wouldn’t have learned how to rent a hotel, ask or look for a job, and even set up my own bank account and pay my bills. I contact my realmother through facebook for the first time in 10 years and my mom freaks out and says i will never be able to use a computer by myself again as long as i’m in the house. i’m 14 and see my life coming to end
i really wish i could be unadopted!!!! I’ve ran away from twice in my life and my mom has called the police both times. Every time i ran away from home all i wanted to do was be by myself for awhile. the police said if my mom called the police for any reason again, once more, i’d go to juvi and there i would beat up and strangled by a whole bunch of punks. Someone, tell me, is it possible to get unadopted or even possible to live with your real parents instead of living in hell all the time?
just got to know the steps to unadopt this person that is 23 and will not stay home. goes with men she does know. from computer sights.people drive up pick her up and she is gone. we live i the mountains and this has been going on for a long time. it is ruining my health. i have another child i have found her coming out of his room a couple times she is 10 yrs older she and he says shes playing on my game,
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