First, the original article courtesy of AP and Yahoo! News…

WASHINGTON – Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, architect of an unpopular war in Iraq, intends to resign after six stormy years at the Pentagon, Republican officials said Wednesday.

Word came a day after the Democratic gains in the election, in which Rumsfeld was a focus of much of the criticism of the Iraq war. Officials said Robert Gates, former head of the CIA, would replace Rumsfeld.

Earlier today, a spokesman for Rumsfeld said he’d given no indication that he would step down in the wake of Democratic election gains. The spokesman said Rumsfeld would work with Congress on Iraq but added that the focus on stabilizing the country will remain the same.

In the days leading up to the election, President Bush said he wanted Rumsfeld to stay on as defense chief until the end of Bush’s second term.

So NOW what’s he gonna do? Here are some ideas from me:

1) see the aforementioned suggestion for McDonalds. They’ve got good benefits plus you can advance from within.

2) With the holidays approaching, he could do the following:

  • Be a bell-ringing Santa through the Salvation Army
  • Be a mall Santa…in this case, he needs to rent “Bad Santa” and the first “Simpsons” Christmas special for helpful hints.
  • Work at Toys-R-Us… he could play video games all day…especially the combat ones. The transition would be easier.

3) Address all my Christmas cards (he would have to work on his penmanship and provide the stamps…he’s got a pension…it’s time to give back, Rummy!)

4) Join a barbershop chorus (if he can sing, that is…)

5) Take a trip (incognito, of course…it’d suck to be assassinated on your way to Las Vegas)

Since this is my inaugural post, I really hope it’s printed. I also hope that people understand that this entry is a JOKE…I’m not serious in anything I say. I’m not a fan, but it stinks to be in a job crisis around the holidays.

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