It has finally happened. Macrosoft plans to announce on New Year’s Day the completion of a project years in the making–a living android, half computer and half human.

The human body has been reinvented for maximum efficiency with particular attention to ergonomic design. While admitting that there may be a few “comfort and adjustment problems,” Macrosoft enthusiastically predicts the new, improved, computerized human male will change history.

Here is a preview of some of the design changes and features:

—The eyeballs are nestled in the armpits.

—The mouth is on the sole of the left foot, and the tongue and taste buds are on the sole of the right foot.

—The stomach will be encased in the skull (the connecting cable to the mouth is sold separately. Allow approximately six weeks for shipping and delivery).

—Scrotal and testicular components will be suspended four inches beneath the tailbone. (Exercise caution when sitting.)

—A special password will be issued if the purchaser wishes to upgrade for a pair of ears.

—Penile apparatus will be attached to the crown of the scalp. (Macrosoft warning: It may be a criminal offense in your country, state, territory, or tribe to remove hat in public. Macrosoft and its subsidiary companies and affiliates are not responsible for any civil or criminal prosecution resulting from failure to observe such laws.)

—Both small and large intestines will be coiled efficiently around the head and face, allowing for extra memory storage space in the body cavity.

—If human android wishes to access the brain, 24 hour customer service is available after a two hour telephone wait from a Third World high schooler who will talk you through the process.

—Until the release of the “Human Android 2008 Interface Patch,” scheduled for this fall, it will be the sole responsibility of the user to resolve all interfacing problems with the human female.

Be Sociable, Share!