Clearly worried about an unemployment rate that has dropped to another new record low, and obviously not satisfied with already having saved more than ever before – about 57,900 euros (roughly 8 zillion dollars) per person on average – Germans have now also been caught red handed saving money that is not even in circulation anymore. A survey conducted by Stern magazine revealed that about one third of these suspicious savers still possess the old Deutsche Mark (“Deutschmark”) bank notes and coins, a full six years after the introduction of the euro.

“Like duh,” said one nervous German surveyed. “If the unemployment rate keeps dropping like this, well, we all know what’s going to happen next. You know, what comes down must go up again and all that? Wir sind doch nicht blöd (we’re not stupid you know).”

“Yeah,” said another worried frugal freak, stopped when seen dragging the next batch of heavily worn money bags into his local savings and loan, “Let the Americans buy everything in sight even when they can’t afford to. That’s just not the way we do, I mean, don’t do business here.”

German Experts now fear that other extinct currencies could soon be the next to be hoarded. “There are still boatloads of the old Reichsmarks up there in Oma and Opa’s (Granny and Grandpa’s) attic somewhere, you know. And that GDR aluminum stuff, Roman coins, stamp collections and shiny rocks might just be next. Geez, these people will save anything, except dollars, of course. Die sind doch nicht blöd.”

Want not waste not want not.

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