In an extraordinary show of personal nobility and active social engagement, SPD boss Kurt Beck has managed to convince a long-term unemployed person to wash and shave himself. Not only that, Beck will be now also be rewarding the man for his efforts by seeing to it that he be offered up to five jobs early next week.

The unemployed construction worker recently made the calamitous mistake of loudly confronting Beck at a Christmas market in Wiesbaden and sarcastically “thanking” him for the introduction of Hartz IV. Beck responded by telling the 37-year-old that if he would only just wash and shave himself, he would have a job within three weeks time.

The three weeks aren’t even up yet and now it looks as if the poor devil will actually have to go back to work. Politically correct-minded individuals everywhere were thoroughly shocked and dismayed at Beck’s “elitist and highly naïve” suggestion and are now calling for more effective legislation against such horrid compulsory labor methods as these. The long-term unemployed throughout Germany also reacted promptly and have formed numerous self-help groups in which they are now learning how to keep their mouths shut should a prominent politician ever unexpectedly cross their path.

Beck himself has also been enriched by the disgusting encounter. After continued unfavorable poll results for the SPD in recent weeks, he is convinced that if the trend continues much longer, he might finally now be able to actively do something about it by getting a shave himself.

Come visit me at Observing Hermann…

[Edited by Simon – Removed duplicate article]

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