At knifepoint, I mean. Encouraged by the ruthless acts of sabotage their striking French counterparts have undertaken to show that they mean business, German GDL strikers have now resorted to hostage-taking in a desperate effort to push through their ridiculous demands.

An unidentified, distorted-faced union member pulled a knife on a café employee at Berlin’s Hauptbahnhof yesterday and held him captive for a full two hours while demanding an improved pay offer from Germany’s national railway before German SKGDL forces (special anti-GDL forces) tackled the moron after tricking him outside with an Angebot (offer) of their own.

Clearly shocked by the senseless violence at a café he frequently visits, Bahn boss Hartmut Mehdorn then knuckled under and offered the union a “significantly improved offer”, but only under the condition that the desperate strikers move on to “the other end” of the train station and take their next hostage at McDonald’s instead.

A masked spokesman for the GDL confirmed that this new offer had been made but gave no details, choosing to fire his AK-47 wildly into the air instead. Once his ammunition had been spent, he did say that union leaders will consider the offer by Monday and that the GDL would not stage any strikes or take any other hostages before then.

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