German Development Minister Wieczorek-Zeul (“Red Heidi”) has thrown up her hands in exasperation and given in to pressure placed upon her by countless annoying youthful callers who want her too to do something about the high rate of unemployed youth in Germany. She has announced a plan for a new voluntary service abroad program, reminiscent of the American Peace Corps, with which she hopes to entsorge (dispose of) thousands of whiney young idealists.

“Look, this isn’t really my responsibility, you know. I am the DEVELOPMENT Minister, okay? But I am more than willing to react to this unmet demand,” said the irritable, red-haired minister. “Every day, we are hearing from young people who want to ‘do something’,” she continued. “And these calls are reeeally starting to get on my nerves. After all, I have a lot of important DEVELOPMENT issues to deal with, too, you know.”

Wieczorek-Zeul’s planned program will be aimed at people between the ages of 18 and 28 who have a high school diploma or an equivalent certificate and want to work in a developing country for three to 24 months – and who are also willing to sign a statement promising not to call her ministry anymore. The ministry will also pay them 580 euros in hush money per month during their stay.

“So you, too, please feel free to volunteer,” she snapped at the latest caller who finagled his way past her secretary. “Otherwise we might think about making this program mandatory.”

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