Reacting to concerns by other wary EU countries that such community-wide legislation would be unachievable, and in a compromise move designed to placate hoards of irate Germans at home demanding an immediate ban “on something, right now!”, Germany has dropped its plans to ban the swastika and decided to ban German coal mining instead.

Although an immediate ban on the heavily-subsidized coal mining industry in Germany will not be possible (it has something to do with a long tradition or jobs or something), the usual fauler Kompromiss (shady compromise) was nevertheless reached and a phase-out will soon begin which will likely end the last subsidies by 2018. The end of subsidies will effectively bring an end to coal mining in Germany, as mining costs here far exceed those of other coal-producing countries.

Politicians were ecstatic about having reached such a “groundbreaking” compromise. “We will not be prohibiting mere symbols like swastikas here,” said one boisterous bureaucrat. “But real things like coal, instead.”

Germany has also announced that it will no longer try and push all EU member states to criminalize the denial of the Holocaust, as many of these countries do not consider such denial to be a criminal offence and have signaled their continued resistance to such EU-wide legislation.

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