Berlin has promptly refused a request from Afghanistan to send 19 (that’s a 1 with a 9) military instructors to southern Afghanistan, claiming it has already done more than it’s fair share by having sent 6 (that’s a 6) reconnaissance aircraft, although one of them got busted in the meantime while landing but hey, Scheiße happens when you’re in a war (not).

German Defense Minister Jung, clearly on the defensive, as well as practically everybody else in the country for that matter come to think of it, is concerned that such a deployment would amount to “a direct participation in combat operations.” And any German with any sense out there knows damn well that once soldiers who have been specifically trained for direct participation in combat operations actually begin to directly participate in combat operations (real ones), well, the folks over here just wouldn’t understand that and would begin wondering out loud why the hell they have been putting all of this time, money, and effort into having a friggin’ army in the first place.

“Our spontaneous reaction is that this request from Kabul is not covered by the parliamentary mandate for the ISAF deployment,” said a spokesman for the German Defense Department. “Of course that would also be our spontaneous reaction if Taliban forces marched through the Brandenburg Gate and occupied the Reichstag, too. After all, Gesetz ist Gesetz (the law is the law).”

Another German parliamentarian has suggested that the continued international controversy about Germany’s slacking in Afghanistan could easily be resolved if the conflict were to simply be uploaded into Second Life. Massive levels of German forces have secretly amassed there in recent months and are now suddenly in the position to easily overrun and annihilate any known force in that virtual universe, Taliban weenie avatars included. Legislation proposing such an upload mandate is now said to be in the pipeline.

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