According to a controversial media report, the German Defense Ministry has admitted having accidentally destroyed crucial intelligence service data gathered between the years 1999 and 2003, some of it directly concerning the ongoing Murat Kurnaz case. Additionally, hardworking Bundeswehr IT personnel have also somehow managed to delete all data having the slightest bit to do with the years 1939 to 1945, as well.

The high-tech accident was discovered when a parliamentary defense committee member requested documents from armed forces data records concerning the treatment of Murat Kurnaz by special command forces troops who had been holding him in custody in Kandahar, Afghanistan. The plot thickened when another member of parliament requested documents concerning what was rumored to have been an invasion of Poland in 1939.

“It’s a real shame, of course,” said a Bundeswehr spokesman in reply to the second parliamentarian’s request. “And we’re awfully sorry about all of this inconvenience. But as far as we can determine, this invasion never took place.” A similar request about German troop movements between 1914 and 1918 also came up with similar negative results. 

The computer system called “Jasmin” (Joint Analysis System Military Intelligence) is said to be the culprit behind the mysterious data disappearance and will now be dropped two grades in rank as a result of the regrettable incident, the spokesman said. The Bundeswehr is also considering introducing a new system called the “CRS 4-0” (Can’t Remember Shit for Nothing).

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