Germany’s first military spy satellite was launched into orbit Thursday on a Russian Cosmos 3M rocket and will soon begin it’s highly publicized and politically correct spying mission. The German-French SAR-Lupe joint venture reconnaissance system has been expressly designed to furnish NATO commanders with extremely high-resolution radar imagery of practically any place on earth where no conflict of any kind is taking place.

Where no spy satellite has gone before...

“This is a purely non-combat spying mission,” said a spokesman for the German government. “Under the existing Bundestag mandate, our satellites will only be able to furnish information about areas that are completely free of conflict, violence or hurt feelings of any kind. And once you consider that our incredibly sophisticated X-band radar offers a resolution of about 50 centimeters or so, well, these systems won’t have a whole lot to do, at least at first. That narrows our area of operation down to about 0.12 percent of the earth’s surface. We’ll be starting off with the North Pole, I guess. Or with what’s left of it. It is Christmas season, you know. Ho, ho, ho.”

The satellite’s launch corresponds with another German reconnaissance issue, albeit this one potentially more contentious. NATO has requested in a confidential letter that the German military deploy German Tornado surveillance and fighter jets to Afghanistan. Berlin, long under pressure to take a more active role in that country, has agreed to comply, even though this in a place where people are actually shooting at each other.

Needless to say, the German parliament was not given a chance to debate the matter. It is Christmas season, you know. Ho, ho, ho.

Come visit me at Observing Hermann…

Be Sociable, Share!