When it comes to the art of growing stuff I have little luck with anything but Potato Triffids you can read the horror story here,

I have survived the trauma of the Lawn People trimming my herbs, with a gas powered professional Herb Eater, I even watched the ants destroy my giant Tomato plant. But that was last year!

An earlier gardening adventure ended equally badly. Who the hell expects frost in July? Bin there done that! Tomato plants hate it. Freeze little green balls, they tend to die. Come to think about it the color of the balls really doesn’t matter.

This year I decided to try something completely different. Last summer Jan came home with a Watermelon, but it was not your run of the mill version. The flesh was yellow and more like a Cantaloupe than a watermelon.

I really am not much of a Mellon guy, but it was really interesting. I dried a few of the seeds and put them in drawer. A few weeks ago I was bored, and the melon seeds popped into my mind.

I stuck them in a big yellow bucket full of dirt and waited.


Of the 10 or so seeds that I sort of planted, four mini melon plants arrived. It was the perfect number. Four watermelon plants and one yellow bucket did not seem like a great idea. My plan was to give one plant to my neighbor who is an avid gardener, one to Jan’s Aunt, and one to Jan’s Mom and Dad. In my mind this gave me the best chance of getting to eat a yellow watermelon.

Day after day I played the role of rain maker. Life is great!

Through a bizarre set of circumstances Jan became the proud owner of an iThing today. I have no idea what iThing it is, but she seemed pretty happy about the fact that it had a camera in it. I personally have little interest in iAnythings, in fact I am proud to say that I do not even have a Cell Phone.

I asked Jan to get the iThing in camera mode and I would take a picture of my melon plants.

Apparently we live in a high melon crime area!


Clearly razor wire, electrified fences and maybe a mine field is the way to go. Who the hell steals melon plants?

Simon Barrett

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