A well-known cause of stress, headaches, back pain, constipation, roughly 137 forms of cancer, heart, liver, kidney, foot and mouth disease, social unrest, inexplicably violent stock market fluctuations, earthquakes and global warming, at least among Germans, Elektrosmog from cell phones has now begun robbing them of their sleep, as well. Or of the little sleep they were able to get up until now while not worrying about Elektrosmog, I should say.

After comprehensive tests on 71 (that’s a 7 and a 1) test subjects between the ages of 18 and 45 who were locked in cold cells without clothes or blankets or bed pans or even beds and given two cell phones which were then strapped to each ear and rang at regular intervals (one time the left ear, next time the right) for days and days on end, scientists discovered that the Elektrosmog produced “significantly reduced the time it took for these test subjects to reach the deep-sleep phase.” And none of these being tested were German, either.

They also discovered that long cell phone conversations, especially those ranging between the 36 and 48 hour range, tended to cause depression among the sleep-deprived participants, especially for those on the listening end.

Upon hearing the results, the Bundesamt für Strahlenschutz (the German Federal Office for Radiation Protection) has recommended that cell phone owning Germans stop talking and turn off all cell phones immediately and then place these devices in lead boxes in the cellar until further testing can be conducted after which they will then be asked to bury these lead boxes in the backyard or have them shot into outer space.

Come visit me at Observing Hermann…

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