Passing the dope test with flying colors, German Tour de France cyclist Patrick Sinkewitz failed his latest doping test magnificently. As a result, German state television channels ARD and ZDF have decided for the first time ever to stop their coverage of the once so ultra popular mega sporting/doping event.

“We cannot subject our viewers to this kind of dopey doping behavior any longer,” said one ARD spokesman. “People who sit around watching sporting events like this in front of their TV all day long aren’t the brightest to begin with, but then to continually bombard them with images of athletes this stupid? It’s simply inhumane.”

The broadcasters had covered the race jointly up until now and had been a massive presence there ever since famous German drug fiend Jan Ullrich gave Germany its first Tour victory back in 1997. Hooked on a semi-legal substance called “Geld” (money) themselves, they have had to think long and hard before deciding to cover this year’s scandalous race or not after last year’s scandalous race and the one the year before etc. But Sinkewitz’ latest particularly dopey doping was the last straw.

Most viewers took the broadcasters’ decision calmly. But one irate fan just couldn’t stand the thought of now having to go through Tour de France cold turkey and promptly tossed his PC out the window. He is saving his TV for next week.

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