It’s so sad when kids become the victim. Parents who should protect their kids turn a blind eye to the damage that is being caused. Kids that are too young to fight back only want to be accepted and loved by the step parent. Shame on selfish, unloving parents and step parents!

Wow, I identify with this article completely. Is there such a thing as a non-wicked stepmother? lol…please let me know…

My comment was deleted. Is that because I said Ben Leichtling is a fucking moron? Is that not an accurate term to describe someone who would encourage children to “be devious, learn to dissemble, lie and hide”? Is this ethical advice coming from someone who claims to be a “practicing psychotherapist”? So these are the skills that lead to “a good career and a great life,” eh? That’s what Ben Leichtling has written above.

Now watch as my post will once again be deleted, no doubt due to having used the “F” word — even though Ben Leichtling’s “advice” above is far, far more damaging and offensive in every respect.

Finally an article that talks of the Toxic. Not all women are innocent stepmothers who must deal with the unruly stepkids. Stepmothers can be highly toxic and change the course of a family. If a couple would seek counseling and educate themselves on what blending a stepfamily is all about, perhaps more families would merge with success. Unfortunately couples rush into remarriage thinking only of themselves and not about the family as a whole. I’m continually amazed at how stepchildren both children and adults are so forgotten.

Hi everyone,

I have read the article and a couple of responses. My “stepmother” had an extra-marital affair with my father while he was married to my mother; resulting in his leaving the home. This early childhood trauma devastated me when he left me by age three, to go live with her and “start over”. It probably was one of the deepest wounds I have tried to heal. Throughout my childhood, she remained indifferent to me: she did not call me even by phone when I was sick or on my birthday. A social worker diagnosed my stepmother with DNP or destructive narcissistic personality disorder. She clearly lacked empathy for my needs as a child and later admitted to having an “under-developed moral conscience”. Not having a father around was probably the greatest source of pain/ grief for me when I was growing up with a single mom. Yet, she dismissed this event as unimportant… I can understand the author’s point very well.

Hi all,

I am 22 years old. My father and his partner (Lin) are currently going through a separation (finally). They have been together for 12 years. 12 years during which utter misery has ebbed and flowed relentlessly.

There’s a long story but I won’t go into it. I have not got a good relationship with my stepmother but I am very close to my father. The divorce between my parents didn’t hurt me as such; it was a relief that the regular arguments and shouting in the home could stop. What has deeply affected me is my stepmother/dad’s partner.

I don’t believe in generalisations, but I’m afraid my stepmother does fit the stereotype of a toxic, self-centred woman. Previous posters have given examples of the sort of angst it can cause and I won’t repeat similar things. However, my questions to all you stepmothers are:

Why the hell did you stay around? Why didn’t you leave when you were clearly spending a good many years of your life having a miserable time? Why do you go into a relationship where the father already has a child expecting it all to be so easy, that your stepson would be fine with you and his father sleeping together? That you never EVER accept responsibility for your mistakes?

To be honest, until latest catastrophe, I was resigned to a life of accepting my stepmother. I knew I would never have a normal relationship with her but I made the effort to completely change the way I think because I thought it was what my dad wanted. Now it seems he didn’t ever want this relationship that badly and that has thrown me into thinking “I made all that effort and went through suffering for someone who is not even worthy of my father?”.

Anyway, she’s doing everything she can to grab the house etc. bla bla just like my mother did to my father 12 years ago.

You’ve got to appreciate, I was put under such tremendous pressure to like this woman (this woman who thought I should be “given a kick up the ass”), who has talked about me behind my back, forced my dog to not live in the house but outside in a freezing, damp cupboard where his arthritis got worse, and more besides.

I’ve seen some of her writings. She was miserable as far back as 2001 (and never once reflects on herself, always on how other people are crap). Why did she not get out? She must have been loving how she had it so easy with my father, right? With the lifestyle he gave her, it was worth putting up with the brat stepson, even if it meant pulling everyone down including herself, right?

She doesn’t get it, she never got it, she’s a total foreigner to basic human emotions and needs.

There are some biological mothers that cause their children pain, too.

Thank you for your kind words, hippigirl.

I have never been beaten and I am upset to hear how you were treated. You are a strong person for coming out of a situation like that and still maintaining a rational mindset.

The best I can do is treat others well and those who come after me, like you say. It is a mission of mine to do just that.

This is a great article, fortunately my evil stepmother came into my life once I was a grown woman, but she still stove to manipulate and devalue myself and my sibling and keep us from our father (deceased). When he died she walked away with everything and I don’t think it will ever stop hurting that she managed to turn my father away from us so easily after him telling us as children that we were the most important things in the world to him.

We didn’t fit into her new family, so she got rid of us.

Not all stepmothers are bad people, to be sure, but the ones that are can inflict so much pain without anyone else seeing to know or care about their selfishness and greed.

I think these feelings are typically one sided and highly debatable in the face of an aware, generous, sweet and giving stepmom who gets washed in the flow of all other types and gets the same treatment as the so called bullies no matter what she does. There is a huge richness to the other kind of stepmom which this article does not address. Most stepmoms try to blend in, take care, love their new families and piece them back together at their own cost. It is a hugely thankless job, which they take in their stride. Its not an easy job, but there are those that do it well and they deserve a mention. There has to be a balancing tone in an article when people address the growing breed of fantastic stepmoms. I have read, spoken and written on a lot of stepfamily forums and none of them mention stepkids in a bad light, although there are those who exploit their position to get back at a stepmom who is evil merely because she married their dad. I would like to highlight the fact that stepmoms are very aware of the stigma the very name carries and they typically bend over their backs to erase it with love. I would like you all to take a minute and give this a thought. Its just sad to see stepmoms generally maligned like this.

Mary (from July 27,2010, I completely agree with you. Far too many couples remarry thinking only of themselves. These are adults who cannot be alone and remarry, sometimes each adding their own children to the mix. I have watched as my three kids have been “blended” when their dad remarried. It’s not an unfair thing to say, it’s a fact. Sometimes step mothers are nasty people. Some of them are extremely toxic. In the case of my children, their stepmother has been married three times previously. Now is married to their dad. Quite a track record, huh? Am I to believe that the issues my children are having now are their faults? My nine year old daughter pleads with me not to go to her dad’s house as does my 12 year old son. My daughter has been told (be her stepmother) she needs to lose a few pounds (remember, she’s 9!) Our pediatrician has NEVER mentioned her weight as an issue during routine physicals. My daughter is not a tiny, wispy girl but is a tall, athletic one who enjoys many sports. She has been insulted countless times by this woman and dreads going to be with her dad because of this. Her dad refuses to believe anything that any of my children have told him about his new wife. It is no cliche – I have never met a woman as nasty as their step-mom. I find it unfortunate that their dad needed to be married so badly that he has thrown his kids under the bus to fulfill his own shortcomings. I have been in a relationship for several years with a wonderful man. My children have NO issues with him. I have had NO issues with his boys. He has an ex-wife. She and I have NEVER had any harsh words between us. You tell me, where is the problem in this picture. My children’s step mom has everyone swirling in her evil vortex. It’s no stereotype – sometimes step parents can be downright mean. It’s a shame how people will treat other people’s children. Sick, really.

OMG I have NEVER commented on anything but I am in the midst of yet ANOTHER horrible night b/c of my stepmom and her power over my blind, retarded father. she’s currently giving me the silent treatment and I just tried googling what to do and this popped up. it’s like you’ve been living inside my head. Bravo sir, take it from us all victims that you have said nothing wrong and I’m sry to the good stepmoms who were offended, I do realize it must not be an easy position to be in but trust me, this is our YOUTH, we are lost and scared and figuring everything out for the first time. I’d rather step into an uneasy position at your age then have some evil woman forced upon me at the age I did with no control whatsoever over anything. Stay strong as I am trying so hard to. the worst part is that no relatives really realize the severity of it. God bless you sir, keep up the good work. thank you from the bottom of my heart for providing a relief in knowing I’m not alone and it’s not in my head.

I also wanted to say thank you to the author of this article because he really understands how people feel in this kind of situation. At least I feel like I am not alone in this.

This is a surefire way to inspire more hatred towards a stepmother who has genuinely tried to make a successful blended family work and truly loves her new husband. The author is obviously bitter and immature and hates and disrespects women, because not all remarriages result in the stepmothers being gold-diggers. You should be ashamed of yourself, get a life!

I can EASILY relate to this story. My biological mother, and father had similar, passive personalities; and came from broken homes. When they divorced – they ended up marrying essentially the same person – loud, type-a, controlling, unattractive, insecure people.

So I can relate to this article.

I recommend this: keep your head down, turn 18, and get out of there. If you’re not quite 18 – I feel your pain, too. I recommend: avoid home like the plague, try and find a relative/friend to live with, and if you must live with them – give them absolutely zero emotional gratification.

If a man marries a woman such as women described here and allows the mistreatment of his child for no other reason than than the woman he married is disturbed or greedy?Or because he wants his needs met at the expense of his children?

It’s the fault of the Father,the Parent.

He is responsible for his children until they leave his home or until the age of majority.He is the one who allows his children to be robbed of Mom’s things and family fortune..This article sounds like a Grim’s tale or Disney film.

Why not tell the youngsters to seek help from a guidance counselor,minister or priest,the authorities?No child deserves abuse and encouraging lies,devious behavior..is that really good advice?So,to get ahead in life you must lie,deceive,manipulate?Are you serious,Ben?

How about a good education so you can leave your Fathers home,support yourself and acquire your own fortune or comfortable life?And learn from your parents poor choices?Break the cycle in your own life.Get therapy if needed to achieve these things and heal?Not,learn to become a devious,lying manipulator because your Daddy is a loser and his wife is a greedy hag?

If Your Dad can’t be considerate enough to protect his child, draw a will,hand over Mom’s things on his own accord before the marriage or move in of another woman takes place,etc the fault lies with Dad.Same for any woman allowing her husband to do the same to her children from previous marriage and not taking care of her business.

I’ll be honest..I don’t like my husbands kids much and am a midlife second wife.They have given me reasons(valid)not to but I do understand they are hurting.That hurt was not caused by me but by their parents years before I became involved.I wish it were different.

I back off so they can spend time alone with their Father.I never speak ill of their Mom(LIVING).I would never begrudge them of sentimental or family items.

I’ve worn myself out trying to accommodate their high expectations and neurosis when we have the honor of their presence..

You’d think I was guarding Fort Knox with rifle in one hand ,poison apple in the other and state their Mom is chewed gum on the bottom of my shoe regularly in their presence due to the behavior they display at times.

And they are paranoid over Daddy’s items,needlessly.

You know what?My husband loves it I believe.It gives him an ego boost to see the kids and wifey worry and sit and spin.In the meantime he refuses to see an attorney and get his affairs in order so the fears will be resolved for all involved and life can be lived peaceably..Sick,huh?

Sometimes the hard feelings between children and current wife is because the Father creates contention the children have no idea about with wife.Plays both sides against the middle.Creates contention the wife has no idea about when he complains to his children when the waters get rough in marriage causing resentment and judgement.

You should address the Father may also be a bully in addition to a love blinded fool.Or an immature man who feeds off this type of attention and dynamic to fulfill his own twisted needs.

The author is right not all steps are monsters.

Not all stepchildren are blameless victims either.Some become perpetual victims though because they choose it instead of seeking help.

I’m sure these types of women exist but really this article should be titled “Don’t let a worthless Father ruin your life.”

Point the finger of blame at the TRUE SOURCE instead of perpetuating Cinderella,Snow White and Parent Trap.

Your Father is the one who chose her(Toxic or resisted stepmom) and stays.Blame him.Talk to someone who can help or remove you from the home of your Father if you are a minor and are truly abused.If you are an adult,get help to heal.

Don’t allow yourself to be stuck in victim-hood…as Anonpost said if you don’t seek help to heal, it will affect your life and other relationships.Such as your own marriage some day and children.

If you are an Adult and removing yourself from them is in the best interest of your mental health..do it.It’s not running away it’s self preservation.Is Dad’s money,items,choices of companions,etc worth your health and happiness?Is it worth your integrity?

Your Dad made choices.You can also make choices that will affect you long after you are out from under Dad’s roof.Choose well.

BTW,Both my parents were stepchildren.They still complain and carry burdens due to hurt from their step parents who are both long dead.They are in their 70’s.Neither place any blame on their PARENTS.They just complain about dead people to this day and I get the pleasure of hearing it often(it gets old)…not worth it.

When I read this article, I swore the author (Ben) was writing about my life.

When I was 14, my father married a beautiful women who is fifteen years younger than my Dad, and who has three daughters. My Dad was so excited to have a beautiful wife he could parade around because he was a very successful business man. I was excited to because my real mom had behavioral health issues and abondoned my brother and myself.

She and her three daughters moved into our house. She quit her job, brought in huge debt, refused to sign a prenup, hired a maid, and proceeded to spend my Dad’s money on her and her kids on tons of high end items (rolex’s, furs, etc). She harrassed my Dad constantly about kicking my brother (16) out of the house because he was a “slob”. She would spray lysol on my chair after I stood up – but never in front of my father. She wouldn’t let her daughters use the same bathroom as me after she found out I had a bladder infection – telling everyone I was dirty and she was afraid her daughters would catch a disease from me. I couldn’t wait to get out of the house. I was completely demoralized and decided to pick myself up by my bootstraps and make something of myself.

I went to college and to graduate school. I worked very hard, became a successful business women, married a great guy and now I have three wonderful children.

At every step of the way, my stepmonster tried to cause harm to me and my family any way she could. She would verbally attack me and when I defended myself, she would flip things around, calling me the aggressor and poor her is being victimised. I constantly walked on egg shells because if I did one little thing wrong – BAM! Excuse to make me look bad.

We were never invited to their house and they lived five miles from us. When we called, she checked caller ID and never picked up the phone. She never called us, never sent a card, never asked about us. She could not pick my kids out of line-up because even at family holiday’s she completley ignored us. When we went to their house to help my Dad with chores, she would never come out of her first floor bedroom. Even my ten year old son new she heard us (he calls her my Fake Grandma). All the while, my Dad ignored her treatment, pretended like it’s perfectly normal, condemmed me if I said anyhthing about it.

My father is now close to death and in his weak state, she has manipulated him into giving her a very cherished (and very valuable) asset he has promised me all of my life. He was in the process of giving it to me (told me don’t let her find out) when she found out. She told him that if he did, she would not take care of him when he got sick. I was very sad but realized the difficult position he was in. Then, out of the blue, he called me and told me that if I sold my lake house with proof of sale (and at a significant loss right now), he would give me the asset. HUGH?? It was like her words were comiing out of his mouth. Nothing he said made any sense and he said it with such anger.

I realized that she had taken over his mind. I was so incredibly hurt by how he treated me. He is her puppet now. I have not called him and he has not called me since.

I now realized that he is not an innocent party to the abuse. He married her without thought of how she treated us, turned his head to her cruetly, never stood up to her, and let her use him as her weapon. I have a good idea that I am cut out of the will now – but I realize there is nothing I can do about it. She is in his ear 24/7 telling him what a selfish, self-centered daughter I am and that his money should go to her daughters – who are now alcoholics (2/3)and close to being on welfare because they refuse to work. I am scared he is going to die and this is the way it will end. But I just can’t bring myself to take another verbal beating.

I can completely empathize with all of the other people who wrote about their evil parents – it hurts like he** and I don’t think you ever get over it. It haunts my thoughts constantly. I am hoping the author is right and that someday, this pain will go away.

I have a stepmother and she is so manipulating.
She has allways been mean to me! Also she hates my grandparents and one of my aunties. My grandmother and auntie know how she is, they know how manipultaing she is thowards my dad.
When i first met her she was really kind and i liked her! (she has two kids). Wich meant that i got two play buddies so i was glad she moved in. Her daughter is two years younger than me and her son is four years older than me. I can’t really remember when she started to dislike me so much. I was kind to her kids. (but yeah, all children fight sometimes!) So i won’t deny that it was a little fighting.. My Dad and my stepmother started fighting early in their relationship. And my dad has a really bad temper so it was alot of screaming and things that was being thrown around the house. (He would never hit her of course!) Because of her my dad never eats dinner with his parents when they invite my dad (or both of them). My dads parents live 5 min away from us too. And the only reason she dislike my grandparents so much is because my grandmother told her that it was inappropriate to wear a black wedding dress, that it would be like she was attending her own funeral or something.. My stepmother never smiles to me or anything! I remember when i was five years old? maybe. I allways tried to make her laugh or smile by doing hilarious things. And she starts to fight with my dad because i am staying at their house for two days. And if i get mad at anyone she allways say things like ”Have you taken your medication?” ( Yes, i have ADHD). But saying stuff like that is rude! My doctor has told my parents that they should never say things like that. It’s okay to ask me if i remembered to take my medicine. But my stepmother says it in a way that you know that she is trying to be disgusting and awful thowards you. My stepsister also let me borrow her clothes sometimes. We are the same size so we borrow eachother’s clothes. And i remember i forgot to give back a pair of jeans to her. So my stepmother texted my mom, and she was also very rude to my mom in those text messages. Both me and mom thought it was really childish and stupid that my stepmother got mad at her.. My dad never gets mad at her for being big-mouthed. But if i starts to get big-mouthed thowards her he reacts immediately! Also he is treating my stepsister like a daughter more than his real daughter.

Finally Said told it like it is. Until you have had a cruel stepmother or stepfather you do not know what these children have to go through. Often these children are small children scared for their lives. The laws do not protect these children like they should. I know all of this because my grandchildren have to endure all of this cruelity from their stepmom and stepbrothers. they are three and six years old. They have been abused and their father does not believe them. Now tell me you don’t agree with the man who wrote this article. My babies are suffering and the will not protect them.

i understand how many stepmothers may feel hurt by this article. i have both a stepfather and a stepmother (which makes my mom a stepmother for my stepfather’s sons), and i fully understand that not ALL stepparents are treacherous or malicious. My own stepfather is one of the most loving, caring and understanding people I have ever met, and even though my father is still alive, my stepdad treats me like his own daughter.

I have, however, the misfortune of having a toxic stepmother, exaclty as portrayed, and this article has really been helpful. I have finally undertsood why I spontaneously chose to step away, even though it makes me feel guilty sometimes for not being with my father as much and i should and would have liked to. even though the choice of words may have been a bit harsh, the “dissembling” part pretty much saved my self-esteem and possibly part of my future..

I had my own problem with a stepmother. She was never nice to me and my sister to begin with. When her first child was born, It was the beginning of hell for us. Back when I was 5, and none of her children had yet been born, she’d used vile language and I tried to resist her. Soon after, she turned my father against me and he got very violent with me once, trying to hit me with a thick stick on my head which I blocked with my hand, but which almost broke my hand. It was incredible that my own father would use that kind of force. I decided after that on option 2. This girl(my stepmother) in a very calculated manner, would find anything I valued and take it from me. I never heard my favourite songs, if I managed to get something, she’d take it and give it to her children. She encouraged her children to insult me and my sister regularly until I finally decided on option 1 where they were concerned.I told my father all this was happening, and then a few weeks later, he came and said we were lying.

To make the long story short, my father, and my stepmother, made our lives a living hell. To give justice to their not-so-glamorous personalities, there was a high staff turn-over because of my stepmother’s lies,my father’s childish tantrums, and my stepmother’s children’s being completely misbehaved.

I tried to be fair as possible, but out of my own self respect, i could not allow my younger siblings to be verbally abusive and I took action to also protect my sister from them. But generally speaking, I took the second option.

The rewards I got from my stepmother was:
a) As many lies as she could tell to get me in trouble.
b)Trying to get as much information about what I was doing so she’d have something to report to my father so he could punish me for it
c)Mean and spiteful tone of voice, and words, and in spite of her venom, if you dared hint any resistence, she’d lie and use it to force punishment on me and my sister.
d)Seeking to find out anything I like, so as to make sure she either ridicules it out of existence, or hides it so I can not find it again, or, if it’s an object, so she can throw it away or use it for herself or her kids.
e)Making sure I got no presents for my school performance, or if I got any presents, she’d find a reason to take them away.
f)After almost 10 years of having excellent grades at school despite the problems they were causing me at home, my father finally got tired of my good grades and came to school to cause me problems(talking to my headteachers about what a bad student I was, getting my school trips cancelled, bad mouthing me to teachers at school) and finally, my grades did plummet at that point because well, you can only take so much nonsense and negativity in your life.

That was over 10 years ago. I made sure my sister and I left. While I have to admit my childhood was a lot of fun, and I made lots of good friends, I don’t really want to meet my stepmother and father ever again. It’s like one long 15 year old bad dream.

By the way my dad died 2/20/10 left me$$$$$$$$ I was suppose get @ age 65 ; My stepmother changed the trust so now must wait till she drops dead I told To stop collecting air miles go to the store buy a broom & ride that instead of driving her Big Mexican Wiener (BMW) & flying to all over the world ; think of all the fuel she could save I can,t fight her legal dream team but I sure fun writing love letters to her hopefully she tries to GO GREEN with a broom from a air plain

Need advice please. I am an adult step child with 2 full blood siblings, to my father’s 3rd wife, who came in tow with 2 of her own kids about 20 years ago. She was friendly with my first step-mom and upon learning of their split, jumped on the opportunity to be a “companion” to her old friends wealthy ex-husband, subsequently marrying him as he was looking for a care taker and she was more than willing to take the job, feigning it was for reason’s of love. Within one week of their marraige, after moving out of her sister’s basement with her 2 unappreciative brats, into my Dad’s big fancy home and quit her “big career” as a lunch lady. In that time she has stolen money from him (blaming me and my siblings), lied to him and even proposed that he adopt her children (by the way, their father was alive at the time). Now that he is sick, and we are grown up and out of the house, she is supposed to be taking care of him. She lies to us about his medical condition and I doubt she ensures he is taking his neccessary medication. She has alot to gain from his death and he is increasingly dependant on her so will not “rock the boat” if you will, disregarding our warnings to him about her. He has advised everyone of his intentions regarding his estate but will not update his will. She will no doubt be enjoying things that are not intended for her (as she insists to him that “of course” she would carry out his wishes to the “T”). No, not all step-mother’s are evil – but this one is. What’s my recourse and how do I ensure that his intentions are carried out concening the division of his estate?

What an interesting article! I too thought that this was a page out of my life. I have had over 20 years of ill treatment from a toxic step-mother. I now have children of my own and I now have freed myself to protect them from the negative and psychological trauma. I cut ties with my Dad so I could have a wonderful happy life. I really want to say thank-you I’m not the only one that has gone through this and been passed off as crazy. This article really hit the nail on the head in my case.

this article is a warning to fathers who are making the biggest mistakes of their lives .mydad has screwd up big tym and i am notletting that happen so thank you.i’ll make use of it as soon as possible but how do you expose what a horrible monster she is?

A lot of these step monsters have second wife syndrome, and they can’t handle being #2. They are so jealous of the first wife they take it out on the kids who are a part of the mother.

I wonder how many of these marriages started out as an affair. Chances are the step mom deliberately sought to destroy the 1st marriage to get a man and a home for herself and her own fatherless kids.

Don’t look to the dad for help, because no matter how big and tough they are, the dad’s are pussy whipped and are afraid of failing, afraid of being alone. They are wimps and will not listen to their own kids. They are coo coo for coco puffs.

I would say go with choice #1 and drive the steps out their minds and out of the house. Hell, the kids are going to be punished anyway, might as well make it count for something!

I would like to suggest to the step-kids that are underage and still living at home-if you are in a really bad situation,is there a relative you can possibly live with instead of your dad and his wife?Also,to the other kids who can still deal with continuing to live at home,please focus on your schooling,find out what you are good at and interested in,and strive towards finding/making a career for yourself.And no,I don’t mean you all have to be doctors,lawyers,etc.If you want to be in a blue collar job,a lot of trades pay very well.Maybe you want to teach,or be a cop.Maybe you want to be a landscaper-just find SOMETHING you want to do that will help make you happy.The truth is,for a lot of people,you won’t be able to make anything change for the better at home.And that’s okay-it is not your responsibility to spend your life dealing with something that you can’t change.So,focus on school,homework,and try to get a part-time job so you won’t be at home too much.But do Not allow yourself to get involved in drugs,drinking,or hanging out /dating people who are going to try to take advantage of you,especially if you are in a depressed state.You MUST focus on doing what you must do so that you can one day be happy.I know some teens might think this advice is boring,but you’d be surprised how much fun you can have,-after working at a part-time job,just grabbing a donut and a pop at a donut shop and hanging with other co-workers and talking is great.Also,watch the old movie “The Breakfast Club”-you will see you aren’t alone.So many people have problems.You aren’t alone-just realize that you can make your life better.Education,working,and staying out of trouble can lead you to a happier life-and away from people that are making you so unhappy now.

This is such a helpful blog. You’re right “The best revenge is a great life” 🙂 I’ll stay strong and focus on my own life.

EVERYTHING IN ITS OWN TIME

You tried to break me
But I bend
You tried to harm me
But I mend
You tried to shake me
But I stand tall
And I fall
And I fall
And I fall away from it all.
You tell your stories
And the weak believe
Those I thought
Could never be deceived
And I learn to hold on to myself
Oh,I walk through hell
I walk through hell.
And a summer’s sun washes over me
Winter’s breath,sets me free
The heavens watch,over me
As I break free
Oh,I break free.
And I’ll stay true
I’ll stay strong
I’ll stand tough
When all seems gone
I will fight
I’ll persevere
And be all that I’m meant to be
No,you’re not going to ever change me
I’ll keep the light shining in me
Because now I see
Oh,now I see
You-for who you really are
Oh,I’ll never let myself sink so far
I will reach for my own stars
And I will shine
Oh,I will shine-oh,everything in its own time
I will shine.

I have read several of these stories and I just want to cry, for these are tales that my now 9 year old granddaughter is having to live with and has been dealing with since she was 5. There is nothing I can do or say or I risk not being able to see or speak with my granddaughter. Emotional Blackmail, how can my son be so blind to this evil woman? Whenever she gets in trouble no matter how small the punishment is so extreme. They have already thrown away or destroyed all the stuffed animals, dolls, playhouses, kitchens, etc.. anything I ever gave her. I just pray alot. The time I am able to spend with my grandaughter I try to do my best to smother her in love and let her be a kid. I know she cant wait till she is of age to come live with me, it will be late teens or when she graduates, I know it wil be a long road, I just pray she will be strong and hold on. I copied the poem ‘Another Cinderella Said’ wrote, in time when she is ready I will read it to her. I dont know how to talk to her without sounding like I am bad mouthing her stepmom, who is the only mom she has, she does love her, inspite of how controlling, manipulative, cold and spitefull she is, the stepmom does reward her when she is good or does good. I just dont understand how someone can be so mean, does she not see herself, can she not hear herself? How does one so young deal with this? How does one so young keep it all together inside? Any suggestions for a granmother would be aprieciated.

Please forgive a spelling error,as well as a couple of other missing words in my above post-I am using my smart phone and it is difficult to correct after finishing what I have wrote.

Dear God in heaven. You guys should try being a stepmom sometime. Especially to what appear to be some of the malicious disturbed individuals on this thread (not all). Oh yes it’s always stepmoms fault that your parents didn’t work out. It’s always our fault that your dad had the nerve to try to be happy with someone new. You hate us since you feel we are an alien in your life. But we’re not supposed to have any of the same feelings? Our feelings of being unwanted in unknown territory are not valid? Luckily I am a stepmom to two very sweet children. We all know we’re in a tough situation to maneuver sometimes but we always remember to treat each other with respect. Many of you who’ve spouted your vitriol on here have, in my opinion, forfeited your rights to respect. You’re pissed off at the world. I get it. But only YOU can make your situations better. Have you ever thought that maybe YOU could be your own worst enemy? And consider this: with your awful, hateful attitudes (I’m speaking now to those of you on here who’ve called your stepmoms awful names, refuse to take any blame for your part in anything) you will likely get a divorce at some point in your life. With your hateful ruthless blaming of the other, it’s an awful set-up for navigating life… And if/when you do, you will likely fall in live again, hoping to have another chance at it and the way of good old fashioned kharma states that you will likely have the pleasure of being a stepmom to some short-sighted rude little individuals such as yourself. Cone back and comment on this thread THEN. In my first marriage I was stepmom to a girl who acted just like you. She was hateful, unhappy and devious. It was my fault her parents didn’t work out even though I met her dad 2 years after they divorced. Well I left him, partly over the step stuff and guess what… She’s just as unhappy and hate-filled as she ever was. Any woman who comes into her dad’s life is “evil”. Poor man. It’s funny that in that instance, where there was no respect on her part, I was an evil stepmother. Yet, my two stepkids now and I are able to get along just fine. I’m going today to put together their Valentines bags for them.

And Dr. Ben… Someone should revoke your license. I tend to think you’re really not a doctor but some precocious preteen seething in his stepmothers house.

To those of you who are truly in an abusive situation with a truly bad stepmother (mental abuse, physical abuse etc) document it and go to the authorities.

By the way,Jenna-maybe you should not be keeping tabs on your ex-step-daughter.That sounds very psychologically unhealthy.Or-maybe that is just a by-product of yoy possibly keeping tabs on your ex-husband.Hmmm-I am not so sure the current husband you are so happy with would like that.I tkink you should concentrate on your current family and be the best wife and stepmom that you can possibly be.

I also can relate to this article. Im in my 30’s and still relive the things my stepmum put me through. – I will say Im well aware not all stepmums are like this, I had a brilliant relationship with my stepchild, and I am friends with stepmums that seem to do a good job. I say seem, as to the outside world my stepmum was an angel, no one really knew what went on behind closed doors.

I left as soon as I got my first job at 16, stayed with friends until I could sign a rental contract at 18.

I finally got the courage to speak out about the abuse after the birth of my daughter, needless to say she denied it.

It doesnt matter, she knows the truth as do I. I dont have a relationship with my dad, for years I blamed her but actually he has to take a fair share of the blame, he should have known something wasnt right. She was careful beat me up when she knew he wouldnt be home for a week or so (long distance lorry driver) so he didnt see many bruises. He saw the mental torture though and couldnt stand up for his 5 year old daughter. Il never understand this, as I would and have given up everything to keep my child first, they are number 1 in my life. It doesnt matter if I end up alone, what matters is my child is safe, happy and loved.

My relationship failed (amicably) Ive stayed alone ever since its been 7 years now, and I always will because Im terrified of the same happpening to my little one and me being blind to it or too weak to stop it.

My life isnt oh poor me, very few people know anything about my past, its something I choose to leave in the past.

I wont deny I do get upset once in a blue moon, in private the tears can flow one random evening, the next day I wake up feeling normal.

I have a roof over my head, a job, a beautiful happy child, good friends, and most importantly Im free ♥

I think there are the same people posting under different names on this site.I think it is being used to upset people.The person who posted before me is blaming the bio mom for a marital breakup without knowing details.The poster also states that stepmoms marry the men-not the step-children.This is wrong thinking.The children are part of the package.There is a lifecoach named Iyanla who famously says “When you see crazy coming,cross the street.”I think noone with a true sad story about a painful childhood should post here anymore.There are too many hurtful people using this site now to strike out at damaged step-kids.It is time to walk away and let the nasty posters write to themselves.

Well,I see my comment posted under a different name was deleted,detailing my belief that the same people were posting under different usernames to antagonize others.Shame on the person running this and all others with bad intentions.

Thank-you Jan.
I would like to make a suggestion to all the stepmothers who seem to take great offense at the bad experiences suffered by the posters at the hands of stepparents that instead of being defensive,they should consider starting their own blog(s).There,they could offer advice to future and current step-parents on how to be loving and caring parents to children so as to stop (or have never start) any emotional,physical,or worse abuse from occuring.Unfortunately,I fear that those who will need the advice the most will never receive it as they would not even care to seek help in being a loving,caring stepparent.

It makes me sick to see all these supposedly ‘good’ step parents, who have apparently done ‘nothing wrong but marry the father’ attack children, or children that have grown up in an unfortunate situation. I suggest that you need ‘help’, not the victims.

Meant to say she has mistreated me for 15 years….trying to type on mobile phone..sorry for typos.

One more thing…

Keep notes documenting every cruddy thing she does. You might have grounds for legal action one day. I did and my monster could get in a lot of trouble.

But mainly, get away and make a good life. Good luck!

Honestly I disagree with much of this as it is a huge generalization. However I’m 13 and my parents got divorced when I was about 5, I know get to see my mom every 2nd week but didn’t at the time, anyway my father remarries a year later about. When I first met my stepmom to be she was nice and fun, would play with me and my brother who’s 2 years older, have water gun fights, dance around with me, really nice. My brother didn’t really like her though and when they got married he wasn’t happy, she was mean to him but favors me, accused him of stealing and spying on her when he wasn’t and such. then we found her journal and read it, we felt bad but needed to. It said horrible stuff about me and my mother but nothing about my brother. Otter the years her opinions of me and my bro switched. I now have a terrible relation ship with my dad and stepmom because I could never really tell them anything as my stemom would just say I was trying to be like my brother. Ive gotten into punk like my brother used to be and she’s forces me to be sneaky hiding my sex pistols and Ramones shirt and pretending I hate punk becuz I kno if she finds out shell continue to make fun of me as she does all the time. She’s a jerk who us egotistical and has caused my dad thousands of dollars of debt as I’ve found out today as I overheard my dad say collections called and he didn’t have 6000 dollars. I know ill leave an move out sometime and she won’t ruin my life but my poor damn fathers gonna be working till he dies, while she went ahead and quit her job, bought a car and deploying and went on a 1000 dollar shipping spree. I feel bad for anyone whose gone thru something similar, I’ll just stay a rebellious little b**** and she can hate me till I die, long as she isn’t like thy to
My dad or big brother.

This article describes my situation 100%. Thanks for the clarity – that the step children will never win with a damaged step mother like that.

It is so true about holding on. Keep a low profile. Work hard at school. Find your passion/interest. start to earn some money as soon as you are old enough. cultivate supportive relationships with other trusted adults at school and within the family, turn to these people for when you want to share something you have achieved or are proud of or need reassurance. Stay away from peers and situations that can ruin your life and or get you into trouble or any other situation where the authorities have to address the type of parenting you are getting at home. Find ways to be quiet in and around your stepmother, let her think, she has your submission. Make sure she never finds out you are counting down the days to when you turn eighteen and can legally escape her and your whimp of a father. When you are out at eighteen, ensure your financial independence by always being in work, spend within your means and stay away from getting into debt. You don’t want to be running back or needing to be rescued. Try and get yourself into counseling with someone specialised in childhood trauma as soon as you can afford it. You may not feel the need for it at the start of your free life after eighteen but never be ashamed to seek counseling if at any point in the future you start to feel hopeless or are consumed with strong emotions.

There is life after an evil stepmother and my siblings and I are living proof of that. As per usual, our stepmother was ruthless and entitled and everything our father had or worked for, was hers to command for the benefit of the children she had with out father. We became non people. Forced out of the home one at a time so she could focus her hate campaign on one stepchild at a time. As per usual, our father went along and even took part in the cruel and humiliating treatment. He threw each one of us away as per stepmother’s requirements. Eventually, none of us from the previous marriage, had a role or a place in our father’s life. We were told not to call, not to visit and to sort out our own problems as he had a new family to raise. My siblings and I have been affected in so many different ways but we have all gone on and had our own families and made lives for ourselves. It wasn’t easy but we had to keep putting one foot in front of the other as our mother was long dead. Driven to an early grave after our father denied her any divorce settlement and left her unable to care for us so he could get full custody. Our mother ended her days not able to parent us and sharing a bedroom with a niece in her brother’s house. We had a few years of our father using us to make himself look like the caring father who was doing it all on his own until our mother died. Then he married the stepmother.

By the time of our father’s death all of us children from the first marriage had cut off contact with him, his wife and their children. As per usual, the stepmother had already bankrupted our father, to pay for her expensive tastes and private education for her brood. Relatives who had been around have reported our father’s end being a degrading one as his wife had not interest in caring for him. She was twenty-five years his junior and as far as she was concerned, she regarded herself as the one who had to sacrifice and endure taking on this old man and his children from a previous marriage. If it was such a chore, why didn’t she leave? Because she was there for the money and a life without having to work.

When it is all said and done, who do I blame? I blame our father for being so desperate to hang onto a marriage that he allowed his children to be tormented and thrown away. I also think he already had feelings of resentment towards us, his children from the first marriage, and the stepmother gave him and excuse to act out those feelings. He kept saying he did not want to go through another divorce and it didn’t matter who he married, we his children, would always have a problem with her. So he ganged up with his second wife and sent us on our way to leave the way clear for him to have his second chance at happiness. He took us away from our mother to spite her and when it didn’t suit his situation anymore he turned on each one of us in turn. The two older siblings did not initially make it to college because they had to work to support us younger ones who were being thrown out at pivitol times in our education. I am glad to say, we younger ones did in later years club together to contribute some money, so our two older siblings could study for a degree while they worked.

There is certainly life after an evil stepmother and a whimp of a father. Hang in there if you are living through this. Each day is one day closer to your eighteenth birthday.

Best wishes.

I want to thank everyone for their contributions. Knowing I’m not alone is the only peace I can seem to find. The law is not in our favor (the ousted off-spring of Dad’s previous marriage)(NY) and seemingly the toxic-step-mom is quite common. Family dynamics have changed. The law has not changed accordingly. Children of remarried parents (adults and infants alike) should, at minimum, have a right to family heirlooms and such other property as can in no way be attributed to the step-parent.

I would like to propose a resolution to at least begin to change the dismissal of the children of re-married parents in the context of legal rights.

I am open to suggestions, but here’s what I’m thinking. I invite all comments, questions, and anything else anyone, in opposition or in favor of, has to say.

(1) In the case of divorce: a statutory provision in all separation / divorce decrees that family heirlooms follow the children, unless the parties agree otherwise and there is language to the contrary in the judgment.

(2) “Toxic-Stepmom / parent” become an official offense, able to be proven through extrinsic evidence (testimony), carrying a penalty of punitive damages.

(3) Enduring a truly “Toxic-step-mom” is the equivalent of child abuse (by both the natural parent and the step-parent). Like any other abuse, the effect on the victim has life-long life-altering adverse effects. Enough pysch studies have been done on this subject such that an expert opinion should be recognized by a court of law. (Similar to post-traumatic stress disorder or rape trauma syndrome).

(4) Civil penalties should be awarded by a preponderance of the evidence. (if you f!@# -up your kids to the point they are still dealing with it and carrying around baggage as adults, you have essentially deprived them of a FAIR SHOT at leading a happy and fulfilling life).

Question – does it seem odd to anyone that if a person does this to a perfect stranger, they have a penalty to pay, but if they do it to their own kids (barring evident physical abuse) it’s a-ok? Seemingly, anything short of leaving PHYSICAL evidence of abuse is perfectly alright.

I am truly hoping to get the support of the step-parents out there whom unfairly have to bare the burden of toxic step-parent. (Don’t let these people make you look bad).

I do not know how to start a petition. I need someone’s help with this. I think if there was more exposure on the subject and it became more main-stream, a surprising number of people would come out of the wood-works to lend support.

Is anyone here in favor of starting a petition on the web to kick-off a legislative initiative addressing this?

These problems have just taken too much from me. As much as I wish it were possible “Forgetting about it and moving on,” is fairy-tale advice. Like any other kind of abuse, it just never completely goes away, regardless of how much you try. I see nothing fair or just about toxic step-mom and oblivious and /or unconcerned dad skipping merrily down the road of life while, injuring other people who are neither responsible for or have the power to correct the problem.

Anyone? Thoughts?

Nasty stepmothers justifying being so mean – see here:

http://jilldeibel.hubpages.com/hub/Why-Nice-Women-Dont-Like-Step-Kids

Wow.

I am amazed. And also feel very validated in knowing that I am not alone in my suffering. I think ‘been there’ concluded it well. I read all the posts and ignored those who tried to invalidate the pains and sufferings of so many here, as I’ve dealt with so many of them in real life. Because they have not been through it, others could have not, and if you speak your truth, you are bitter, judgemental, spiteful and hateful. People are just sharing their stories people. Read them and learn from them. Have the EMPATHY our stepmothers did not have.

My story mirrors so many here. As the eldest child, I bore the brunt of the abuse. I “took” it because I thought it would spare my siblings, but it did not. They too got their share, but most was mine. The author described it so well because I experienced all that and yet I would not have been able to to word it like that. I am an adult now and things like cruelty and manipulation confuse me. I do not understand them. I have had to do research to get even a semblance of what they mean, because I do not see the point.

Like many here, I lost a lot to my dad’s remarriage. I was a law student and was forced to drop out because her/their abuse was causing me to have breakdowns. I was treated like I was not welcome at home, I was not allowed to grieve and mourn my deceased mother (I was a teen when she died and a teen when my dad remarried,) I was not allowed to get food from the fridge or from the cupboard, I was often starved and deprived of things like feminine products. She separated me from my siblings, put a wedge between me and my dad, made him buy her designer clothes and jewelery while I was deprived and if my dad bought me anything, he had to hide behind bushes in our backyard to give it to me or else it would turn into a fight of ‘he loved me more than her.’

She’d show up with my dad at my uni, chauffeur-driven in a Mercedes Benz, while I was lacking so much and living in really bad conditions. The discrepancy was so huge that I was mortified. The other kids thought I had lots of money, but I had less than them, to “keep me humble.” It was so embarrassing when I did not have money to take care of my basic needs and had to raid (steal from) the pantry (that had industrial sacks of rice, potatoes etc I was not allowed to touch) when they were not looking just to have food at uni. Being a rich kid, but barely having underwear, while she had 100 of them in her cupboard, no kidding. I counted one day. Having like 2 pairs of shoes while she has over 150 of them – designer ones. Its crazy.

Life was a constant beauty contest – who was the fairest, her or me? Despite the fact that there was a huge age gap. I was bullied, mistreated, harassed, treated like I did not belong, like I was the third imposing wheel, humiliated and worn out/burnt out. I mean my dad even got married to her and did not invite us to the wedding! After promising me that I’d be one of the bridesmaids if he ever got married again! We found out through a third party weeks later. This was all in when my dad was working in another country, having left my siblings and I behind. I eventually moved there to go to uni naively thinking that if I was close to my dad I’d get him to bring my siblings but it never happened. It was a battle for even me to stay. Very clear that I was not welcome in my own home.

We lived in an 8 bedroom mansion but my siblings were staying with abusive relatives “back home.” As for me, I slept in the smallest, darkest dingiest room, while she used my real room as her “nap room.” That made me develop claustrophobia. I mean people envied me because we lived in one of the best neighbourhoods and had lots of money and many servants (7), but I HATED being home. Once a month was all I could tolerate because I needed the money and missed my dad, but most of the time was spent in uni.

Eventually they both left and left me behind penniless, destitute and broke in a foreign country where my only options were to prostitute myself and they knew it. I sold all my nice stuff to survive but eventually I had no more. So I bailed and left that country. I moved as far from them as I could to a place where I could at least work and take care of myself.

But the abuse did not stop. My dad became bankrupt and I found myself becoming the breadwinner. I put my uni dreams on hold and grabbed a survivor job to send money home so at least my siblings could finish school and make something of themselves. My stepmother burnt all of my mothers heirlooms that i had been looking forward to own one day, and after she’d milked my dad dry financially, she left him. I was, as the oldest left to fix the mess from abroad. I tried but eventually I ended up in hospital stressed and burnt out from over a decade of all that.

I now see from reading this post that my dad had a huge responsibility too. He abdicated his fatherhood and made me, his daughter, carry that load. In the beginning when I wanted to confront her and deal with it, his response was he just wanted peace and for us to get along. But eventually it got so bad that even the help were quitting. If any got close to me and tried to be motherly and loving to me, she’d get my dad to fire them, jeopardizing poor peoples livelihoods and not caring about their welfare. He was just as guilty because he allowed it and shoved it down our throats. It’s difficult to accept that our dad’s were not just innocent pawns and were just as guilty, but seeing it is helping me have peace.

I was so innocent and naive when she came into my life. I had lived such a sheltered, privileged life until then, going to private schools, being chauffeur-driven almost everywhere and all that, but she came in and I got to know poverty, homelessness and things like that. Even after leaving my dad, she found ways of sabotaging my life. I had to pray for God to give me closure and get freedom from her on a personal level since my dad did not seem to want to let go and kept hoping she’d come back. Almost 8 years after she’d gone. He really does not see the destruction it caused all of us a family. We are so divided, as a fam. Some are not talking to each other and to him either. It used to distress me, but I’ve let go and chosen to create my own family and educate myself as much on all this so I am breaking cycles.

I also finally sought therapy and its helping. I did that “best revenge is a a good life” business initially, but if you are not healed, one cannot really move on. The best revenge is to heal as much as one can. A good life without healing means they are still running things even remotely. It’s like you are doing it to stick it to them. But healing makes you go beyond all that to not even thinking of them. All of that not being healed business opened me up to be in abusive relationships with people like her who preyed on my innocence. I married a guy who was like her, but that is over, thank God. Now with therapy I am seeing patterns and getting my strength and power back.

I have decided not to have a relationship with my dad for my own sanity. After years of trying to fix things and make things better and keep the family together, reconcile and get back my position in his heart/life and failing, I gave up. This is mostly about my step, but my dad was just as cruel. I pray that we all get healed and move on because we deserve it and need it. They had their chance and made their decisions and have to live with them, but we do not have to continue to allow that to affect us. We can learn from them and make different choices.

This is a great article. My stepmother bullied me for years. Always saying I’m a dumb blonde & etc. anytime I succeeded at something she would attack verbally to make me feel low.

I did the second point in this article where you talk about having low profile, avoidance approach. I would even wake up at 3 am to do my homework just to avoid the chaos. My twin sister did the first approach, rebelled and resisted. Our lives are so much different. She is a bartender and just drinks her life away.she doesn’t even have her GED. She is very lost in this world. I focused on school and now a senior in college about to graduate with a degree in engineering. I wish she could have read this article in the years we were growing up.

And yes the best revenge is living a great life. I cannot wait until May when she has to watch me walk across that stage for my diploma despite her attempt to destroy my future. I just wish my twin sister would have taken the same road.

My mom passed away when I was 10, my dad remarried 6 months later to a horrid woman with three children. My life hasn’t been the same. I’m 31, and have spoken to my father since I was 18. I keep telling myself that he got what he deserved and his wife got exactly what she wanted. I’m happy now and content. I have children of my own, so now I fully understand his decision or lack of and I think that is what hurts the most, how could he let someone ruin our family. I felt this article spoke directly to me. (And many others, which is so sad). It is what it is, thanks. I agree, the best revenge is a great life.

Thank you so much for posting this. Here I am at 30 years old up at 4:30am because I can’t sleep and thoughts of my step-mom and all her bullshit keep running through my head. I’ve never read an article that hit the nail on the head so perfectly. Thank you for posting this. My father acted this way to a tee. It was really hurtful and growing up my self-confidence plummeted. It was a real struggle to get to where I am today, but you’re so right – the best revenge is a great life.

Hi,goldennecklace:
I felt a need to respond to your posting.I feel bad for your experience that you have had.However,that being said,I do believe that you have found your way here by mistake.This is a site about TOXIC stepmothers-from what you have wrote,you apparently do not qualify.This is a place for stepchildren to feel safe to vent about unfair,unwarranted bad treatment that they have experienced from BAD stepmothers who either did not care about them and/or went out of their way to make a step-child’s life unbearable.I am sure that so many of us who have posted here would have welcomed a caring loving stepmother into their life.Perhaps one day you can reach out to your stepdaughter once again and invite her out to a movie and dinner,or do something with her that she has interest in.Keep it light,but let her know you wish to be her friend.And most importantly,do not be judgmental of her in any way.Be nice-then maybe one day she will be happy to have you in her life.

I wrote an innocuous comment on this page about 4.5 years ago, and “stepmum” decided to reply with a long winded attack despite the fact that she had absolutely no background or information whatsoever pertaining to my particular situation. I grew up with an emotionally, mentally and verbally abusive stepmother who made it a point to completely destroy whatever shred of a relationship that I’ve had with my dad. I have not seen or heard from my dad in nearly 4 years as a result of this. So sorry that my situation has negatively impacted my perspective on what it is like to have a stepparent. Maybe when you lose one of your parents to a stepparent you will understand.

You said it so well. The people who take issue with the language have obviously not had their families destroyed by someone like this.

..And my Dad believes her. It’s all about her kids now, which I helped raise, did so much hard work and was told to love and care for them and I did…but she made it clear to them that I was not worth the dirt under their fingernails, and she won the day. And the year. And the life. My Dad to this day hasn’t a clue. He says I “alienated” the half-sibs because I finally told them about my Mom, who he and my stepmother pretended never existed, while we were all growing up. They pretended we were a whole family and forbid me to tell them anything, forced me and my other sister to call her “mom”…another hard thing is, despite the beatings and cruelty, my sister, who was younger, was completely brainwashed by her. I have been completely shunned by them all for trying to explain about my Mother. Whose heart was broken by my father’s 7-year affair with this person. She was trying to leave and working so hard, going to school, it made her ill and finally killed her, because she was not well.

But I’m the bad guy in all of it and you know what? After 20 years of therapy, it still hurts. You can be successful and “move on” all you want, but it still hurts. Maybe some people are better at dealing with it than I have been.

Nothing hurts as much as not being believed about such crucial, life-changing and life-shaping issues.

What if both your mother figures are not very good? My stepmom is verbally abusive and my mom only cares if I look nice or if I am being socially inept to her standards like how I don’t want to hang out with her bar friends or whoever she is dating. What do u think ?

What a brilliant piece and one that I know would resonate with my beautiful daughter who was harrassed, bullied and outcast by her wicked stepmother. When my ex got togethet with her, I naively imagined the best and thought my daughter would have two families to love her and to call home. It wasn’t to be. The stepwitch never got over her jealousy and insecurity that my ex and I had separated amicably and had remainec friendly for the sake of our daughter. She set about destroying that and he went along with it because he is a spineless, gutless POS who will never be a man. The pair of them have hurt my darling daughter so much. An innocent child who only wanted to be loved. Instead she was picked on and bullied by that pair of neanderthal troglodytes. May they both burn in the eternal fires of hell.

I just felt like posting here because I feel like I have nowhere else to go. My dad is about to marry an evil step-monster and theres nothing I can do about it. I’m 19 as of right now, and luckily just got into my dream college so i’ll be able to move out soon. Unfortunately for my younger brother he’ll be stuck with her and her craziness and drama. I guess i’ll start from the beginning, about 5 years ago, my dad started dating this woman. Since my mother divorced my dad he has never been alone more than a week, he’s obsessed with being with someone which is where the problem lies. I mean in reality its more of his fault than it is hers. But anyways I was around 13-14, so sort of young, but not as young as my brother who was 7 years younger than me. So anyways when he first started dating her she seemed alright, a little loud, and her kids (aged 5 and 8 at the time) were sort of out of control, but I mean most little kids are. However, then in an attempt to get me to bond, my dad started forcing me to go on girls days with her other daughter who was my age. This is when I realized there was something very wrong with this family. Her daughter was insane, like druggie, alcoholic, baby prostitute insane (remember she was only 14). She would go outside the limits of wherever my dad had dropped us off for the day and start hitting up 20+ year old guys and giving them her number. I tried telling my dad and he just said I was lying because she was a good girl and went to church. (although he found out the next year while fixing her computer that she was indeed doing drugs and all other things). But the real problem started when one night I was in my room and I heard my stepmom screaming at my dad. Up until then I would usually say hi to her and her kids and politely say that I was going to go do homework in my room.I had never once said anything bad about her or her kids, never once been rude to them despite them being generally disrespectful to my family and our house. But the real reason I was in my room is because whenever she was around my dad she would start getting all touchy feely with him and it was gross and awkward.so I went to my door and listened to what she was saying, and this b**** was talking crap about me!? She called me a spoiled brat because she told my dad I was keeping her from moving in (because apparently my dad had told her that she couldn’t move in until I went off to college, LITERALLY because we have no space in the house) and she started saying all these lies about how I gave her attitude and was ignoring her and a bunch of BS. So honestly from that moment on I was done. I was having none of it, because now I knew she was a backstabbing evil woman. One night when I confronted my dad about it he even admitted that yes, she was rude, and yes, she was trying to get our house, but that there weren’t a lot of women willing to date him so just deal with it so that he can be happy. And of course my brother was getting a ton of bad influence because her kids were out of control, cussing at her everyone and showing my brother really inappropriate things, and its only gotten worse since her youngest daughter is becoming just like her older sister. So anyways they were on and off for like 3 or 4 years because every once in a while she would throw her crazy tantrum and my dad would realize she’s insane for like .05 seconds, but by the second year I just started living with my mom whenever she came over because she was always trying to start drama and I have severe anxiety and I just couldn’t deal with her moodswings anymore. But the worst thing in all of this is that whenever I tried talking to my dad about it he would keep defending her saying that ‘oh she didn’t mean that’ or ‘oh you’re just over reacting’ or ‘she actually loves you and really wants you to like her’ (BS!!!! She was always making rude remarks at me whenever my dad wasn’t around and would then tell my dad that she just wishes we could be a happy family, but that I’m holding them apart, and blablah blah) and my dad of course believes her, she’s got him under her thumb. Like she unannounced went to my graduation (even though she knows I don’t like her) and pulled off this whole show for my dad pretending to be all emotional like she cared about me. And then went on to start sh** with my mom, and be like’ oooh lets get a picture of us MOMS’, wtf ur not my mother, you’ve treated everyone else in my family like sh** except for my dad.and everyone else could tell she was being fake as hell but my dad ate it up and from now on whenever I tell him something she does he’s like ‘but look at how much she cares’. Like its FAKE and EVERYONE In our family knows. But anyways about a month ago he informed me that they broke up, that he had had enough of her, she was crazy, her kids were a bad influence and that it had been a long time in the coming.finally, I thought. But ohoho not so soon. So in those next tree weeks he dated 5 different women (and made us meet two of them, because “they were the one”) butttt the evil step_momster desperately continued calling and texting (she even texted my freaking mom to “get the kids together for a play date” aka to make herself look like a good mom for once to win my dad back, which it did) (lmao on another note my brother previously overheard her saying crap about my mom and telling my dad she hates her, and my brother told my mom, so my mom knew she was being a hypocrite)so then this weekend while in the car my dad gets a call from her, and I think that its just her being desperate, but then my dad answers with ‘hey babe’ and I’m like WTF???? And after that my dad proceeds to tell me that in the TWO days since he broke up with his last gf, he proposed to her and theyre getting married and moving in in July!!!??? Like I’m so done. At this point I’ve just come to the conclusion that my dad is just as insane as her, so I guess they deserve each other, him and this woman who has literally torn our family apart, I mean literally no one in my family wants to associate with her and my dad anymore. And my brother who’s autistic started crying and breaking apart because he doesn’t want her kids to move in because they’re always being mean to him, but hes too afraid to talk to my dad because my dad already gave him the whole ‘if you pretend to like them when they move in, it will make me happy’ speech, and he doesn’t want to upset him because hes always trying to make everyone else happy. So yeah that’s my story that’s still going on, I’m just glad I can move out in September, but I feel bad for my brother whos going to have to deal with them for the next 6 or so years. Wish me luck, or pray to whatever gods you can.

*also just as a last note, me and my dad and my brother used to be really close, but between his bad decisions and her manipulation, its gotten to the point where I can barely see any of the old dad, he’s become so desperate and self obsessed that he doesn’t care that its hurting everyone else in our family. as long as he’s happy, everyone else can go to hell.

i am 14 years old and im turnning 15 next week, i have lost my childhood to my witch stepmother. she is evil true evil, i have never done anything to her in my life. although she’ll never read this,
I wish that one day i’ll be able to look back and smile for once even though i can never regain what you took away from me. what goes around comes back around. i will be successful in my future and i will be the one with the last laugh. hopefully i will never lose hope that one day you will be divorced by my dad who was blindly forced into his marriage with you, and when that day comes me and my sister and my poor mother would all be looking down at you from our private jet laughing and having fun traveling to france for breakfast then to italy for dinner. I will survive.

to everyone out there with an evil stepmom,
you are intelligent and you will work hard for a more prosperous future, and we will show everyone what we are capable of. never give up, after today don’t cry over the missing piece of our childhood but smile on the strength we got to work harder than everyone else!

I feel that this article is unfairly stigmatizing and denigrating the reputation of the stepmother. Both of my stepdaughter and her biological mother suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder has always had, always has and will always have jealousies and insecurities that I’m much more beautiful both in looks and in personality than they are and than they have, stepdaughter feels that I’ll replace her biological mother, biological mother feels that I’ll replace her – become a mother to her daughter, that my husband had emotionally got over her and moved on with his own life, that she didn’t want him to have any other female to be in his life, that there’s only enough room/space in his life for two females – herself and her daughter and that there isn’t anymore room for another female – me, they are inappropriately over – possessive of him, they don’t want him to co – exist with another female – me. Both of them view me as competition, are in competition with me, do point-scoring and do oneupmanship in conversation towards me, they both believe that I’m a perfect person whilst they are both jealous, insecure, spiteful and vindictive people. I have been abused, victimized, stigmatized, bullied, harassed and outcast by my evil, wicked in – laws – my stepdaughter and her mother, because my stepdaughter and her mother is unnecessary fiercely overprotective of my husband’s family and my stepdaughter’s biological mother’s family – they didn’t get a chance to meet me. I thought I would have two families to love me and to call home. Maybe everything will change in the near and distant futures and I’ll get to meet them all then I will have two families to love me and to call home. Instead, I was rejected, spurned and ostracized by stepdaughter and her mother. They thought that my husband was going to make me his top No. 1 favourite person in the whole wide world and that he would love me trillions of times more than he would love his own daughter. They were seething with jealousy and insecurity over what they perceived my husband’s behaviour, attitude towards me and his treatment of me was favouritism. They were seething with jealousy and insecurity over the fact that my husband loves me and of how much he loves me. They were also seething with jealousy and insecurity over my own family loving me and my stepdaughter and her mother felt that because they had me in their family now they felt that I was splitting their family up and that there was nobody in my family to split my family up so they went and decided that they themselves were the very people to split my family up and that I didn’t deserve to be loved by them, their families, by my husband, by my own family, by anyone and that I should be unloved and that I should be made to feel unloved. So stepdaughter and mother insidiously infiltrated my own family and my own inner circle and they indoctrinated all their minds against me which was all based on a pack of the biggest, blackest lies and slander which stepdaughter and her mother did against me which caused my own family and my own inner circle to disown and to ostracize me. They therefore tried to split my family up. I should be loved, I definitely deserve to be loved, I should be made to feel loved, I am loved by my husband and by everyone else who are in my personal and private life who my stepdaughter and her mother doesn’t even know about. I do feel loved and I am loved. Stepdaughter and mother conspired against me, had virulent hate and smear campaigns against me. Their agenda was to get me out of his life forever, for our marriage to end in divorce, for our relationship to be over, to come in-between me and him, to take him away from me and to have him all to themselves. They are selfish, self – centered, immature and childish people. They intentionally tried to annihilate everything. They always made sure that their abuse, etc…, was always done covertly so there would be no witnesses and they always made sure that their abuse, etc…, was enough to provoke me to make me retaliate to them in front of my husband and in front of other people to intentionally make me look like the bad person and to make themselves look like the good people. They portrayed me as me playing the victim and portrayed themselves as the innocent, blameless victims when actually they are not innocent, blameless victims, they are the evil perpetrators and abusers and they are the ones who were playing the victims. I’m not playing the victim, I am the real, true, genuine victim. I’m not an evil perpetrator or an abuser or anything like that. They would call me a weirdo, a nutter, scary, coy and that I needed to be sedated. It was their abusive, etc…, behaviour, attitude, words, actions that they were doing covertly in order to provoke me to retaliate back to them to make me look and appear to be these names that they were calling me and saying that I needed to be sedated. I retaliated back to them in front of my husband and in front of other people. I am definitely not a weirdo or a nutter, I’m not scary or coy and I don’t need to be sedated. It’s them who are definitely the weirdos, the nutters, they are definitely scary and coy and they definitely need to be sedated. They vented their feelings and emotions of their jealousies and insecurities through their covert abuse which they did on me onto me. They are both evil, wicked witches. As my husband always has refused, always refuses and will always refuse to join forces with them to abuse, etc…, me and to support them in abusing, etc…, me – they are both well, especially the mother is calling both me and my husband derogatory names and insults us behind our backs and wishing us to burn in hell. Shame on both of my husband’s daughter – my stepdaughter and my husband’s ex – girlfriend – my stepdaughter’s biological mother – shame on the both of them!!. Their success was only temporary, I’m still living with my husband and we are still legally married and lawfully wedded husband and wife and we didn’t get divorced. My husband didn’t intervene or got personally or emotionally involved in this. He will always be a neutral, unbiased real and true man. My husband is not spineless or gutless or a POS. Me and my husband are not neanderthal troglodytes. This pair have wounded me a limitless amount of times, and I’m only an innocent, blameless victim – I am the real, true, genuine innocent, blameless victim, I am vulnerable and naive and I’m such a sweetheart, a darling who only wanted to be loved. They are double trouble, like mother, like daughter. Stepdaughter is like a chip off the old block. They are immature and childish. May they both burn in the lake of fire in hell for all of eternity without any relief from it and without any escape route because they both definitely deserve it.

Please tell me where you can find these evil stepmother sites

I’m tired of googling all these “how to make your step children love you sites”

I was a good person until I had to witness two girls taking advantage of my husband. And I not being allowed to help him be a parent at the mercy of the baby mama

Too many kids are turning into entitled spoiled kids because their parents feel guilty.

Why are we trying to hard. Why are parents feeling bad when they split?
It didn’t work out. So either mom and dad will be fighting all the time and you will have issues. Or step moms and step dads ruin your lives.

I would NEVER hit my step kids. Just so no one thinks I’m evil in that sense

Step parenting is all about what they see. Its an act. All you can do it make them feel safe and loved sadly, even if you don’t mean it

Good luck to all the step parents!

Helllooo! Ever think that maybe for a second it’s your fault, dear step children?

Most step parents mean well and when step kids treat them poorly, it can crush them.

The pressure is all on the step parent to keep it cool while the step child is allowed gets away with bloody murder and can bitch all they want and be the “victim.”

Step parents get the short end of the stick. Period.

Here’s the deal: parents who mis-manage their second marriages are the ones who’ll stand on their heads to please their children – all because they’re scared their kids won’t love them anymore. And you know this and leverage it, you little terrors.

When this happens, the step parents typically see through the eyes of responsibility and tries to pick up where their spouses are failing. So from the get go, the spouse is setting the step parent up for failure.

Hey parents, here’s a clue. Fucking teach your kids that life is not all about them. BE A PARENT. Discipline (in a loving way of course). Don’t do this to your spouse.

Hey stepkids, here’s a clue for you. It won’t kill you to say thank you once in while. This person you’re living with isn’t trying to replace anyone or run your life, but just wants a family. Sorry life didn’t turn out the way you wanted, but guess what?
It hasn’t for us either. Do you really think we want to be treated as a second class citizen, be held at arms length, be ignored? Yet if we don’t endure it, we’re evil.

Oh, and here’s the best tip you’ll ever get in your life. Did you know that if YOU were actually civil that you might make this easier on yourselves?

Most step parents want to be included and loved as well as appreciated for what they do for you. If you actually saw past your spoiled little noses for a second and said thank you or asked how their day was. Said Happy Birthday on the birthday. And didn’t act like the world was shit. Your life may be better. You step parent may step away from trying to make up for the multitude of sins you poor, scared parent may be doing because they’re afraid you’ll go live with the other spouse?

Let’s get one more thing straight. Your step parent has a right to have their home the way they want it. You don’t own the house. It may be your home, but it’s not your property. Respect it.

Again, let’s stop this from being all about you step children, there’s a lot of things you don’t see. And if you treated anyone else the way you treat your step parents, you’d walk away. Ever wonder why we don’t? We love you, which is a rare and wonderful gift. So don’t throw it away.

This is straight talk and needs to be said. Start examining you actions and take responsibility for your role in a toxic dynamic. You little soul crushers.

I am thankful that you have written this article. People need to know the truth.
My stepmum is a pathological liar, and causes division. She has a narcissist personality disorder.
My dad and her had mirror wills that divided everything equally. Her three kids and his three kids. My dad asked me to come help them as he was becoming weaker with age. I came and helped for two weeks, then they wanted us to stay. So, they had us move to the property next door which my dad purchased after their marriage. I moved in to a Motor home and used a generator. I got an electrician to put in electric and we put in water and sewer lines. Dad died 9 months later. As soon as he died she changed the will to deny my dad’s wishes. She wrote my two sisters out of the will. She wrote me in for the acreage I was living on which was bare land while she wrote her kids in for the two houses.
I helped her everyday. We did everything for her inside and outside the house. Finally, after 3 years of living in the Motor home she told me she was now taking the land I was to inherit from 8 acres to 1 acre. She also told the surveyor she was going to sign over a warranty deed so I could get permits on the property. So, I sold my house that was half paid for. She even met us at the lawyers and brought the warranty deed so it looked like she was telling the truth. I kept asking for a year when I would be able to build, she even loaned me money to fix up my house to sell. Well, after a year and me cleaning decades of debris off the property she told me I couldn’t build up there and she changed her mind. Her son (my stepbrother) has been putting headless dolls near my front door, has threatened to kill me and came up with a scythe to kill me. I had to get a restraining order on him.
I haven’t been to her house for two years now because she was accusing me of everything under the sun. Also because my 52 year old stepbrother moved in with her. Now he’s her man (henchman). I figured if I wasn’t there they couldn’t blame things on me. I was wrong, since I haven’t been there I have been accused of tapping her phone, hacking her internet, hiding in her closet at night, breaking in her house with an $8000 security system and leaving clues, doing something to her car so it stopped running. Calling police on me several times for delusions of hers. She has told everyone how bad I am supposed to be also known as a smear campaign.
So, I went on vacation for a few weeks to get away and visit my children. While I was gone she changed the utilities out of my name and moved someone else on that land. I have been there 6 years and spent thousands of dollars and even more hours on labor. No notice to vacate or anything.
Not only did she deceive me out of my home, she made me homeless again. In my state it takes 60 days to vacate someone after a year. Oh yeah, and I am written out of the will now and she is giving her children my dad’s 401k. She is vile.