State Department wire tapers were shocked at the language used during an obscene telephone call a nameless top German official made to Secretary of State Condolezza Rice yesterday. Condolezza Rice herself didn’t find his language particularly out of the ordinary, however.

After the heavy breathing part was over, the nasty German tried to put Ms. Rice on the defensive about the current US selling offensive, the sale of defensive weapons to Egypt, Israel, Saudi Arabia and a number of other Gulf countries, which is, of course, offensive. Well at least to the caller, it seemed to be. “This region is certainly not suffering from any lack of arms,” the depraved diplomat said. “And I have strong doubts whether stability can be achieved with these weapons. They are not German, for one thing. And we in Germany only sell our weapons to countries in regions were everything is stable to begin with. Why don’t you?”

That’s when the real obscenities kicked in, only this time they came from the Secretary of State. Later, after she calmed down a bit, after a sip or two of decaf latte, she started talking sense again and asked the tough love questions. “But your German tanks for Turkey were OK, right?” she asked. “And all those German weapons bound for your so-called Drittländer (third countries = non-EU, non-NATO) countries like Ethiopia and Eritrea, Chile, Peru, India, Pakistan, Yemen and Saudi Arabia? Stable regions? Nobody got hot and bothered about that.”

“And what about the billions you make with your weapons industry every year? Where does that money flow to anyway? And why is there never anything in the papers about that? And the subs to Israel? Good decision, if you ask me. But I wouldn’t claim that Israel is located in a crisis-free zone if I were you. And while we’re at it, why did your ex-Chancellor go out of his way to have the EU weapons embargo to China lifted? It was a ‘good will’ measure, you say? Was the good will intended for Tibet or Taiwan? I forget.”

Then she had to hang up and make an important phone call, somewhere in the Middle East. She is a busy lady after all. But this call wasn’t nearly as much fun as the obscene one was.

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