Bored to tears with demonstrating how easy it is to hack into Angela Merkel’s Chancellery and discover secrets that weren’t really secrets to begin with, cunning Chinese cyber attack experts working for the People’s Liberation Army have now moved on to infiltrate the Pentagon and fall asleep in droves while reading countless pages of unclassified information there.

American IT experts have confirmed that hackers scattered throughout various locations in China have actually taken the time and effort to spend several months probing the Pentagon system before finally overcoming its elaborate defenses and gaining access to unrestricted areas containing several hundred thousand pages of highly unclassified and thoroughly tedious documents, among them several volumes of AAFES historical highlights and a detailed list of dry cleaners located in the building’s immediate vicinity, the dumb asses.

“The Pentagon acknowledged having reluctantly shut down part of a computer system serving the Burger Bar in Section 795026348E,” says one unnamed source. “But declined to say who it believed was behind the stupid cyber attack. Current and former officials have said that an internal investigation has revealed that the incursion came from the PLA and that American experts have pinpointed the exact origins of the attack. No one here has the slightest idea why anybody in China or anywhere else would want to read this excruciatingly dull and insipid information, however.”

Apathetic Pentagon officials later confirmed that their tiring investigation will have to continue on for awhile yet, it is their job after all, although not a few involved have openly urged that the offending information simply be mailed off to the undisclosed locations in China instead, for good.

I got your top secret for you right here.

Come visit me at Observing Hermann…

Be Sociable, Share!