IF YOU DO NOT LIKE SATIRE DO NOT READ ANY MORE OF THIS ARTICLE

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. I first want to thank you for your patience. I know that you all had to wait a long time during the jury selection process. I am sure that many of you were uncomfortable not just with the wait, but also some of the questions put to you. I am sorry. It was not our plan to be invasive, but we wanted to ensure that we had found a jury that met the standards of our constitution. I salute you all. Without people like you our judicial system would not be what it is.

Sometimes it is hard to put preconceived notions to one side. Yes, I am wearing a nice suit, and it is freshly cleaned and pressed. But it was not always that way. Cheney Mason paid for it, well the court was too cheap to sign off on the bill.

But, this is not about me, this is about my client Casey Anthony. She stands accused of First Degree Murder, a crime that if found proven can only have one of two outcomes. Life Imprisonment with no chance of ever being a free person again, or the Death Penalty. It is our intention to offer you the truth. Ms Anthony should not be in this room today. The only offense she committed was loving her daughter Caylee.

We will show you proof over the next few days. It is important as jurors that you keep an open mind. There has been a great deal of press interest in this case. I think that it would be pertinent to explain that the only reason myself, Cheney Mason, and several of the other people involved in the Casey Anthony defense went on every TV news program known to man was just that we want to get the truth out there. I also want to dispel any notions that I might have a TV gig with a Spanish TV station. I also want to point out that it will not be called the Nancy And Jose Entertainment Show.

I made it clear several times that I would explain this case quickly, and everyone would understand, and my client Casey would be walking out of this court a free woman. This would have happened two years ago, but apparently my letter to Judge Strickland got lost. I am sure that I had enough postage on it, and he should have received it before Feb/1. However, it is important to not dwell in the past.

We must focus on the present. Oh, I am out of my Three Minutes! Let me say this, we are going to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the only Loony Tunes characters are, the dysfunctional parents George and Cindy Anthony, and her brother Lee.

There are other aspects that we will be discussing. We live in a ‘wired’ world, why would anyone go searching for a missing child on horseback? This is Orlando, not Texas.

There is also going to be a pile of Bunk Science. It is going to be long and boring. No juror wants to be taken back to grade school. Our plan is to let the prosecution introduce it  and then we will bore you to sleep with the reasons it is ‘bunk science’.

Think about it, you pour a cup of coffee, and put some milk in it. How many of you smell the milk first? Assume for a moment that your carton of milk was left in the truck of your car. Out in the sun? When you find it, you probably will just toss it in the garbage. But, and I do want you to think about it, if you opened it, would it smell of a dead body? How about an empty Pizza Box? Given time, and enough heat, everything smells bad. Smell science is junk science. I know that some of you have children or grandchildren, you all know what a hair band is. The prosecution however plan on boring you all on the subject.

My client is innocent. We are going to prove beyond doubt that Casey was abused physically and sexually, and she suffered from PTSD as a result of discovering her daughter missing. You will discover that the real culprits in this case are in fact a Nanny, a Meter Reader, and the ex boyfriend and his father.

There are also some rumors swirling around the tattoo that Casey decided to get ‘Bella Vita’ it has been widely reported that it is a popular Italian phrase meaning ‘The Good Life’.  In fact Casey’s tat had a completely different meaning, she was on the verge of starting a new career in Dentistry. The well known German firm of  VITA Zahnfabrik are specialists in the development of prosthetic dental devices. Bella, also is a word that is often misunderstood. The Latin origin also means Pugnacious, My client merely wanted to impress her potential employer with the tat ‘Pugnacious False Teeth’.

Simon Barrett

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