Unconfirmed reports are coming in from all over the globe that Brangelina is/are on its/their way to Berlin, this time even for good or something.

Due to a mishap during American testing of the hydrogen bomb in the Pacific directly after World War II, Brangelina, the eerie, glowing genetic fusion of actors Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and some sleeping pre-historic beast, was awakened to life and began periodically destroying Tokyo, Hollywood and just about anywhere else it cared to travel to about fifty years later.

Why the ghastly, fire-breathing monster has chosen Berlin for destruction at this particular point in time is unclear, although the Brad part is said to be concerned about the Angelina part’s weight (the little porker) and they are tired of all the paparazzi ho hum blah blah and that they want their kids to go to school here and not in Hollywood which proves that they are/is indeed a monster should you have had any doubts about that up until now.

The German Heimatssicherheitsamt (Home Security) has put out the following warning: “We advise you to exercise a high degree of caution while out and about in Berlin because of the high threat of a possible Brangelina encounter. We continue to receive reports that the creature is planning a move to Mitte or possibly somewhere near Potsdam so don’t go there for goodness sake. Soft targets like yourself should avoid this freakish being at all costs.”

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