The Real Secret To A Reasonable Divorce

Going through a divorce can be an acrimonious event, the public airing of those nasty skeletons in the closet. The major problem is often that the divorcing couple are so wrapped up in perceived injustice,  and blind with rage that they cannot see the harm they are inflicting not only on themselves but on those around them.

J. Richard Kulerski is a divorce lawyer with 40 years experience, he has seen it all, the term ‘Been there, done that’, springs to mind.

Divorce Buddy System takes a look inside the process of divorce, not from the legal mechanics, but rather the mental dynamics that come into play.

I think I can sum up the entire book with the title of one single chapter:

Divorce Court Is No Place For A Divorce

So many people think that having that day in court will right the perceived wrongs, the kindly Judge will listen patiently to the litany of wrongdoings by the other partner. Wrong, he could care less, and even if he did care there is nothing that he can do, he is bound by stringent legal rules that he can not veer from. He must look at the facts and act accordingly. That is his job, and he performs it with dispassion.

Divorce Buddy System stresses that it is so much better to try and be reasonable, and negotiate with your partner. Think about it, why on earth would you want a stranger to make what can be long term decisions, it could be about, money, it could be about the custody of your children, or even the always thorny subject of visitation. Sure the Judge is happy to make these determinations, but he does not know you, he does not know your background, he is just doing his job.

By keeping the legal system out of the loop you can come up with a set of rules that suit you and your unique situation. There is also the aspect of splitting up the assets, lets for one moment assume that you have $100,000, by the time the wrangling is over, you likely will have just about enough to buy a hamburger! Think I am joking? It is not uncommon for the legal costs to exceed that sum if both parties are really hell bent on revenge.

Divorce Buddy System should be enforced reading material for anyone contemplating the huge step of getting a divorce. I found it interesting that a divorce lawyer would write a book taking this stance, in many ways he is saying, don’t give me your money, keep it in your own pockets. In fact he goes so far as to pose the question:

Who’s college tuition do you want to pay for?
Your kids or the lawyers?

Wise words indeed.

Actually I found this book to have great advice not for just people engaged in divorce, but as a general guide to the art of negotiation. So few people understand how to negotiate well. yet it is a skill that can serve you well both in and out of the workforce.  Although, if you are happily married and leave this on the nightstand you might get a few funny looks from your spouse 🙂

You can get your copy of Divorce Buddy System from Amazon.
There is also a web site to accompany the book.

Simon Barrett

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