Feeling somehow lost and empty despite his fabulous wealth and phenomenal success, and rather pensive after a recent private visit paid to him at the zoo by the Cruise family, Berlin’s “Cute Knut†the polar bear is said to be considering joining the ranks of Scientology.
The six-month-old baby bear cub-now-more-like-a-teenager is “going through a lot of changes these daysâ€, said his badly scratched and scarred foster-father and personal assistant Thomas Dörflein. “Polar bears at this age are often open to pernicious outside influence and wacky philosophical quacks like these Scientologists,†said Dörflein in an interview with the Tagesspiegel. “They also have the tendency to suddenly attack, bite and badly scratch up innocent human beings like myself. In another six months or so they start eating us, too. So is it any wonder that the Scientologists want to get at him at this, uh, tender age?â€
Speculation about the eerie influence the Cruise visit may have had upon the dumb animal came about after reports concerning Tom Cruise’s latest Scientology “level†were made public. It appears that the actor has now reached the highest level of “clear†available in the Church of Scientology and is now able to do things that the likes of you and me would “clearly†rather not ponder.
Scientology spokesmen would not commit when asked if telepathically influencing poor, defenseless, man-eating polar bears was one of them.
Come visit me at Observing Hermann…
4 users commented in " Berlin’s “Cute Knut” threatened by Scientology "
Follow-up comment rss or Leave a TrackbackIt’s nice to make up funny stuff about Scientology. However you should know that the aims of Scientology are a world without war, criminality and insanity, and the Scientologists are hard at work to achieve this. Find out more at http://www.scientology.org/
Hail Alex and thanks for defending our great faith.
You too can be saved by scientolgy. Just send 300,000 dollars and you too shall be join the ranks of OT3 and beyond OT8’s like Cruise and Travolta! Its super and it’s system of religious progression and enlightenment (much like the banned Catholic indulgences of the medieval period) will keep you hooked. Think of it as getting stars in kindergarten, get 8 stars and you can control objects and reality with your mind. Do you need proof? If so you are a WOG!
Don’t have the money, we take indentured servitude. Join the Sea Org and see the inside of a small 10×10 ft room each day with slave like wages and regressive policies. All it takes is signing our simple one page 1 billion year contract.
Disconnect from subverssives and be free of worldly possesions and your sanity.
Join us or Xenu shall eat your soul.
A world without ‘war, criminality and insanity’? At best, a world full of scientologists could only achieve 2 out of these three. guess which ones 🙂
Ja, Ja. Iss da German humour. Isst so farnny. Ja.
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