Coming dangerously close to beating Barry Bonds current record of 762 lifetime home runs, Tom Cruise was compared to Joseph Goebbels for the 759th time in Germany over the weekend.

“The heat is definitely on now,” said a spokesman for the German Protestant (as in Lutheran) church. “We’ve compared Scientologist Cruise to Goebbels so many times that we don’t even know the number anymore. Then you read about in the papers and see it on TV every other day or so. And now the eggheads are starting their winter offensive. I give Barry Bonds two weeks tops.”

The long-standing and clearly hysterical antagonism between Germany and the Church of Scientology escalated yet again over the weekend when a big wig expert and super-smart historian guy actually thought he was doing something new by comparing Tom Cruise’s comments in a recently-surfaced Scientology video with the those of the infamous Nazi propaganda minister, Joseph Goebbels.

Prof. Dr. (take your pick he’s both) Guido Knopp has written a number of books on Hitler and co. and obviously can’t think of much anything else, nor does he seem to get out very often, and when accidentally stumbling on to one of his kids secretly watching the Cruise video in the bomb shelter downstairs, it suddenly became clear to him that the goofy Hollywood whacko sunny boy was actually subliminally informing his viewers that the tide was now turning against Nazi Germany and that really, really, desperate measures like total war and stuff were now in order or else.

Many close to the actor, currently living in Berlin to film the story of German resistance hero Claus von Stauffenberg, fear that he may now be subjected to a few desperate measures himself. Some even think that the invitations he is now receiving to attend Berlin Film Festival bashes and celebrity dinner parties could possibly be cut in half, to 764.

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