So, scientists find the dead bodies of dozens of dolphins and baby porpoises near Miami, Florida and across the pond along Scotland’s East Coast. These aquatic mammals where literally beaten to death with multiple internal injuries, lacerations, contusions and the like. Back in 1997 the whole C.S.I. treatment was given these animals and guess who these scientists first blamed? You guessed it, the United States Military. It turns out, however, that scientists have now realized that it is the “smartest” fishie on earth that is responsible. Yes, they were surprised to discover that dolphins are outright murderers. So much for a “smarter” more “peaceful” ocean, eh?
The Telegraph gives us the tale of the dolphins gone wild.
New evidence has been compiled by marine scientists that prove the normally placid dolphin is capable of brutal attacks both on innocent fellow marine mammals and, more disturbingly, on its own kind.
So, when are we going to see an episode of cops where a dolphin gets led into a cell with a coat over its head?
Scientists first came across their watery mystery in 1997.
The first clues to solving the riddle came in 1997 when, by coincidence, marine biologists in Virginia were finding young, dead dolphins with horrific internal injuries at the same time as young porpoises were washing up on Scotland’s north-east coast with identical causes of death. The body count was growing in both locations.
The Telegraph slips this one by to explain scientists original failed theory.
The two groups of biologists pooled information and, at first, it was believed the mammals had died through ‘blast trauma’. In American cases, this was supposedly from exercises by the US Navy, and in Scotland from air guns used by oil rig technicians to detect undersea caverns.
Naturally, the very first thing to blame was the U.S. Government in general and those evil fish murderers in the U.S. Military. No proof needed, see, they just assumed that it must be so. After all, isn’t that the job of the U.S. Military? Further, don’t they enjoy roaming about the planet and pointlessly murdering the most beloved mammals of the oceans? Why, gosh, all mighty… it HAS to be those rotten S.O.B.’s in the U.S. Military, right?
Well, on second thought…
This theory was dismissed after further examination of the mammals’ bodies revealed the injuries – broken ribs, imploding lungs, damaged livers and massive internal bleeding – could only have come from prolonged, focused attacks.
Any apology for falsely accusing the U.S. Military, I wonder? Probably shouldn’t hold our collective breath, eh? The Telegraph spends no more time to worry about past slights to our nation and Military.
So, it turns out it was the stinkin’ dolphins what done it! Yes, the most “peaceful,” “normally placid,” “smartest” fishy on earth that is responsible for these senseless murders!
When tell-tale teeth-marks were identified, the dolphin – the mammal classified as one of the world’s most intelligent, sensitive and sociable creatures – became the official suspect.
Marine experts now believe that these displays of attacks on non-rival, non-predatory, peace-loving porpoises and, more shockingly, of dolphin infanticide, may have always taken place.
It is awfully interesting that roving “gangs of dolphins” are needlessly killing defenseless porpoises and even baby dolphins. It is also very interesting that scientists now think this has “always happened.” But what is most humorous is that these scientists have had their feelings hurt over the revelation.
The reaction of Dr Wilson, who is a member of the Scottish Association for Marine Science has to measure as one of the funniest admissions I’ve seen for a long time. Once the good doctor realized that his beloved dolphins were cold blooded murderers he seemed crestfallen.
“It was, Oh my God!, the animals I’ve been studying for the last 10 years are killing these porpoises.”
Now THAT is funny.
Imagine, how hollow this makes so many dolphin lovers feel? They have spent their entire lives dreamily imagining that their beloved fishies the dolphins are the most beloved creatures of the seas when they are really just a bunch of damp gangbangers cruising the world’s oceans looking for hapless victims to murder for fun! How many times have you heard about how smart and caring these beneficent mammals are? How many times have you heard dolphin sycophants scold we lowborn humans, telling us that if we were only more like the dolphins the whole world would be sooo much better?
Imagine how hurt these people must feel to find out that their loves are such murderers?
Personally, it cracks me up! The whole thing is just too delicious.
But one thing is sure, you won’t see too many stories where these scientists, cock sure that it was the U.S. military responsible for fishicide, apologizing for their mistaken assumptions.
3 users commented in " Baby Dolphin Murders Blamed on US Military… Culprit OTHER Dolphins! "
Follow-up comment rss or Leave a TrackbackI think you have taken two stories put them together and twisted them to prove a point.
In reality this story has shown what dolphins can be capable, of, the animals they kill, are either dolphin calf, or similarly size porpoise.
Sonar where found to have been the cause of stranding, affects lots of species, of adult, most usually beaked species of cetaceans.
Please ensure your facts, before you compare two things that are not related
I think also most people that are aware of dolphins, know that they are capable of many things, they are after all a top predator.
Not all the world views them as happy, smiley, cuddly creatures, that the media and captive industry purports them to be
Just thought I might throw out the fact that dolphins aren’t “fishies”. They’re mammals.
And as a dolphin lover, this doesn’t really shock or hurt me in any way. Any animal is capable of killing, even when it includes their own kind. Dolphins are no exception.
I can kind of see why they would blame the military. However, I agree that it’s wrong how they pointed a finger at the Military, without any proper proof. It’s also wrong on their part that they didn’t apologize for their mistake.
I’m surprised they didn’t suspect the dolphins, or some other aquatic animal, in the first place. Dolphins are friendly creatures, yes, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t capable of being killers. They are predators, after all.
So back in the 90s’ dolphins started killing each other? We are sure they did it to each other? How do they know that for sure? Let’s say beyond any doubt what so ever it is true. What changed in their environment? Did humans have anything to do with it? BTW don’t rule out the U.S. military so fast, I would not be a bit surprised if they did not drop something in the water to test on them to make sure it would turn adults on babies! Sorry no you cannot totally rule out the U.S. military! Now before you get all weird, no I am not saying they did it! That is not to suggest that the U.S. Military is the most evil in the world at all, but they have done similar things to people of African descent in the U.S.A. They flat out denied it for years! When Clinton was president they released the truth! It happened in the 1940s’ Do not never underestimate the U.S.A. when a far right government is in charge! The CIA will do the bidding of the far right no matter who is president (notice how Obama shifted away from the C.I.A.)! Can you say Kennedy? I hope that made my point! If they kill Obama there be a blood bath in rich areas of the USA and they won’t know who to hide from! I still know Al-Qaida was set up by the first President Bush when he was the head of the C.I.A.. I also know that he has been bank rolled by the Saudi Bin-Laden family. The real question is if Osama is the red headed step child of the Bin-Laden family or not! Don’t forget that one of “W” Bushes favorite expressions was plausible deniability http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plausible_deniability Hang them high or hang them out to dry what’s the real difference? Protect the greediest and let the average Joe pay the price!
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