As reported by Betsy Hammond in “The Oregonian,” the Oregon House Education Committee is calling for improvements in its anti-bullying, anti-harassment laws. They’re responding to the Oregon Healthy Teens Survey which stated that more than 40 percent of Oregon eighth-graders reported being subjected to name-calling, bullying or other harassment at school, with the highest rates among students of color, girls and gays.
The Committee recommends requiring all schools to have anti-bullying policies, making the policies public and designating a point person in each school for students and parents to turn to.
I think that to make anti-bullying policies effective you need much more than a wall-plaque containing a policy statement. You need:
- Ground rules that specify real-world examples of harassment, bullying and abuse that will not be tolerated.
- Guidelines of accepted behavior to resolve disputes without bullying.
- A program containing real consequences to deal swiftly with bullying incidents.
- Specific examples to show bystanders how they can stop bullying in its tracks.
- Proactive administrators, teachers and staff.
Of course that takes training and education. The 40 percent of the students who reported being bullied and all of the others who weren’t willing to admit having been bullied would vote “Yes” to expending the money. It’s hard to learn or grow strong and straight when you’re being beaten down repeatedly.
In my experience, the most important factors in making anti-bullying efforts effective are proactive administrators, teachers and staff. They set the standards and create the culture. Administrators, who are willing to let victims suffer while they attempt to rehabilitate habitual bullies, actually create hot houses in which bullies thrive.
We need new laws because too many administrators are cowards. They’re afraid they’ll be sued by parents who want to protect their little terrorists. Therefore, we need to require administrators to act and also to protect them from suits when they do act.
Children must be taught not to bully the weak or different, primarily by parents, teachers and administrators if they’re going to learn to be more civilized.
True bullies will take empathy, kindness and tolerance as weakness. They’ll think we’re easy prey. It will encourage them, like sharks, to attack us more. Bullies will show you how far you need to go to stop them.
On an individual basis, parents must teach children how to face the real world in which they’ll meet bullies all their lives, even if the children are small and outnumbered. That’s independent of the type of bullying – cyber bullying, physical bullying or verbal harassment or abuse. Help your children get out of their previous comfort zones and stop bullies.
Sometimes, children can stop bullying by themselves, beginning with peaceful tactics and moving step-wise toward being more firm and eventually fighting to win. Or, depending on the situation, just get the fight over immediately. Most times, adult help is needed.
When children learn how to stop bullies in their tracks, they’ll develop strength of character, determination, resilience and skill. They’ll need these qualities to succeed in the real-world.
In addition to professional experience, I learned practical, pragmatic methods growing up in New York City and then watching our six children and their friends and enemies. And we live in Denver, home of Columbine High School.
Ben Leichtling, Ph.D. is author of the books and CDs “How to Stop Bullies in Their Tracks,” “Parenting Bully-Proof Kids” and “Eliminate the High cost of Low Attitudes.” He is available for coaching, consulting and speaking. To find practical, real-world tactics to stop bullies and bullying at home, school, work and in relationships, please see my web site (http://BulliesBeGone.com ) and blog (http://BulliesBeGoneBlog.com ).
4 users commented in " Anti-Bullying Laws in Oregon May Be Revised "
Follow-up comment rss or Leave a TrackbackThank you for writing this article. And BIG THANKS too for writing your book. I know what bullying is, from a former husband. It can happen in a marriage too.
Yes they do misread kindness and empathy for weakness. Amazing, isn’t it? Two different worlds …
I am proud of my state taking steps to make things better for our children.
Will check your web site out later. Have to do things now.
Thank you so much for doing all you do!
Dear Heart,
Thank you for your kind words.
As I show in my books and CDs of case studies, “How to Stop Bullies in their Tracks” and “Parenting Bully-Proof Kids,” bullies are not all the same, but their patterns of behavior, their tactics, are the same. That’s why we can find ways to stop most of them.
By the way, my first book, “Bullies Below the Radar: How to Wise Up, Stand Up and Stay Up,” tells the case study of a woman who recognized her husband as a stealth bully (sneaky, covert, manipulative, controlling). He wouldn’t change and she managed to get away.
Good for you also.
Best wishes,
Ben
Hi Ben..I come from ORegon and I hate to say that its true there are alot of bullied kids here…and to make it worse the ones I grew up with are just as bad as adults as they were kids. My brother went to Hillsboro ORegon schools his whole education career, he was bullied by one boy from elementary school all the way to Jr.High….my brother just let most of it roll off his back till one day in Shop Class in Jr.High the boy was doing his usual picking on my brother then wham my brother turned around and cole cocked the kid and broke his nose. I know thats not the right route to remedying this type of thing…but like all other states ORegon does have its bullies and I am glad to hear they are taking the steps to being pro-active and trying to solve the issue. As a parent with school aged children…its nice to see the effort being put out by the state of ORegon!
Hi Ms. Pickles,
Sometimes that is just what it takes to stop bullies.
When I coach people in how to stop bullies, I ask them to imagine a staircase. We start at the bottom with peaceful methods and slowly walk up the staircase getting firmer and firmer. Bullies will tell you how high you have to go before they quit.
In your brother’s case, I’ll bet (hope) that the bully quit bullying after that.
Obviously the responsible adults hadn’t been responsible; they hadn’t stopped it all that time.
I had the same experience as your brother and describe it in “Parenting Bully-Proof Kids.”
Glad Oregon is moving toward better laws. I wish all states were.
Best wishes,
Ben
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