More furry creatures again, folks, this time too close to home. Vicious bands of immigrant punk raccoons, introduced to Germany from the United States in the 1930s, are wreaking reeking havoc throughout the pacifistic German countryside as we speak, so-to-speak. Vineyards have been particularly hard hit this time, this even pissing off nature lovers who also bekanntlich (are generally known to) love wine and now say that all bets are off. Raccoon shooting deaths in Germany are up, in other words.

Fur mongers let the first breeding pair of horny beasts out somewhere in Hessen way back when before the war and other clever descendants later managed to escape from a fur farm near Berlin and now these two regions are the “hotbeds” of randy raccoon reproduction action in Germany. Having no natural predators to have to deal with in this peaceful country, they have been free to rob and pillage breed at their leisure ever since.

But now the Germans are starting to shoot back (Wir sind ja wieder wer wieder). No one has the exact population numbers, but the numbers of raccoons shot give a rough indication of the demographics. In Brandenburg, which surrounds Berlin, hunters killed 41 raccoons back in 1990. But in the latest hunting season that number went up to 5,712. More than 30,000 were killed all across Germany in the last year, more than three times the number killed six years ago.

None of this makes any sense really because raccoons have thumbs, which enable them to wash their food (that’s why the Germans call them Waschbären or “wash bears”) and they are therefore very orderly types, if you ask me, which is clearly a German trait, see? But hey, immigration has always been a big problem here.

And I wouldn’t be at all surprised if one diabolical German pensioner who breeds rabbits the size of dogs has already come up with an inventive suggestion for what to do with these excess raccoons, but we don’t want to go there – yet.

Come visit me at Observing Hermann…

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