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RJD chief Lalu Prasad has termed the NDA regime in Bihar as the 'asli jungle raj'. "Dalit women are raped and four members of the Nat caste are beaten to death in the presence of police... This is real jungle raj," he told media persons on Saturday. He was reacting to the incidents in the Lok Sabha which this week witnessed unprecedented unruly behaviour when MPs from rival parties in Bihar, RJD and JD(U), almost came to fisticuffs. MPs from both parties accused and abused each other on the floor of the House after the Speaker adjourned proceedings for the third time since morning. While a JD(U) MP even handed the Speaker his resignation but it was rejected. Incidentally, the RJD President's brother-in-law, who played an active part today, has been evading arrest for over a month in an assault case, lodged in native Gopalgunj. 

So what was the ruckus in the parliament this week all about ?

Unfortunately the Parliament's transcribing staff could not keep pace with the unparliamentary invective that was flying all around. Despair not folks Offstumped empowered with sublime comprehension powers from the divine one, has interpreted the unparliamentary verbal diarrhoea to unfathom what the arcane debate was all about. It now appears based on Offstumped's painstaking translation that the heated and often personal abuse was about the Poincare Conjecture. We common men and women have barely any comprehension of the Poincare Conjecture as pointed out recently by the New York Times but not so for our learned Members of Parliament. With an intellect that far surpasses ours, the RJD and JD(U) Members of Parliament were exercised if the Poincare conjecture was actually proven. The whole fracas started when a JD(U) Member of Parliament claimed that

 the alleged solver of the Poincare Conjecture was a relative of the RJD President.

At this RJD MPs protested and the RJD President too joined in saying

the accused person was the JD(U) member's “brother-in-law”.

The RJD President went further and started abusing the JD(U) MP saying that 

a cigar and a rabbit's head are the equivalent of a sphere because all these shapes can be deformed into each other. 

Taking offense to this the JD(U) member retorted back at the RJD President with equally vitriolic rhetoric that

by contrast, a donut and a coffee mug each has one hole and can't be deformed into a sphere.

It was then that the RJD President's brother-in-law rushed from his seat to punch the JD(U) MP. All hell broke loose subsequently with BJP MPs and the Parliamentary Affairs Minister joining the fray. Meanwhile an agitated RJD MP threw a sound box at a BJP MP missing him by a few inches. The apparent provocation was the BJP MP's claim that

if any loop in a certain kind of three-dimensional space can be shrunk to a point without ripping or tearing either the loop or the space, the space is equivalent to a sphere

Sensing that the things were turning violent the Parliament Secretary called in Marshals to restore order. It took the skills of the Parliamentary Affairs Minister to restore order.  The Parliamentary Affairs Minister persuaded the warring members by saying

''It's really a great moment in mathematics. ''It could have happened 100 years from now, or never“.

The Deputy Leader of the BJP in the Lok Sabha chimed in saying:

The excitement came not from the final proof of the conjecture, which everybody felt was true, but the method, 'finding deep connections between what were unrelated fields.

The Speaker of the Lok Sabha condemned the incident saying

Math is really about the human mind, about how people can think effectively, and why curiosity is quite a good guide, You don't see what you're seeing until you see it, but when you do see it, it lets you see many other things.

Incidentally the RJD President's brother-in-law, who played an active part today, has been evading arrest for over a month in an assault case, lodged in native Gopalgunj. Gopalgunj’s sessions judge today rejected his anticipatory bail plea and the Bihar Police, which failed to arrest him despite a non-bailable arrest warrant in July, sent a team to Delhi to arrest him. So why has been evading arrest. Offstumped's further divinations in the realm of all things unparliamentary revealed it all. It now turns out that the RJD President's brother-in-law has been in the crosshairs of the justice system since his announcement that he had solved a famous and intractable mathematical problem, known as the Poincaré conjecture, about the nature of space. After posting a few short papers on the Internet and making a whirlwind lecture tour of the United States, the RJD President's brother-in-law disappeared back into the Bihari woods , leaving the world's mathematicians to pick up the pieces and decide if he was right.  But at the moment of his putative triumph, the RJD President's brother-in-law is nowhere in sight. He had stopped replying to e-mails offers from Stanford and Princeton, among others. The RJD President has gone on record saying that

that he talked a lot about hiking in the woods near Gopalganj looking for mushrooms.

In his absence, others have taken the lead in trying to verify and disseminate his work and have since called for him to be brought back to civilization by arresting him. When contacted, Gopalgunj SP said that he faxed the arrest warrant to Delhi Police Commissioner on August 8 with the request to arrest the accused if he tried to attend Lok Sabha. “After the incident, the MP had been missing from Bihar. We suspected that he might try to attend Lok Sabha and, therefore, I faxed the arrest warrant to Delhi Police,’’ said the SP.  After he was shown in the House on TV today, Bihar Police officers began blaming their Delhi counterparts. “It is now the responsibility of the Delhi Police to arrest the MP,’’ said a senior police officer.

So there you have it folks the mystery of why there was a ruckus in Parliament this week. Why the JD(U)'s Prabhunath Singh offered his resignation, why the RJD President Laloo Yadav was abusing him and why the RJD president's brother-in-law Sadhu Yadav was evading arrest, why P.R. Dasmunshi and V.K. Malhotra got involved and why Somnath Chatterjee got all worked up.

 Offstumped Crooked Line: Meanwhile life goes on as usual amongst the not so gifted Indians. Manmohan Singh is busy defending the Indo US Nuclear Deal, Sonia Gandhi is busy comforting Muslims that India doesnt really intend to fight terrorism, Prakash Karat and Sitaram Yechury are busy hugging Fidel Castro and the 200 Mumbaikar deaths in the 7-11 serial commuter train bomb blasts all but forgotten. With the TRS KCR Rao' hunger strike prematurely aborted, the Imam Bukhari's fatwa against Vande Mataram a mere foot note in the cacophony that is India and the subtle indoctrination in the NCERT political science text books a mere improvisation - Life goes on as usual in India.

With due respects to Dr. Perelman Offstumped would like to acknowledge the New York Times for its elaboration of the Poincare Conjecture and how topology, that arcane branch of mathematics that studies the fundamental properties of shapes and space could help explain the unparliamentary conduct in the Lok Sabha this week.