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       Sunday, March 19, 2006

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NOBODY DOES IT BETTER

Satire by Lonnie Hodge


A commenter on one of my last posts asked me how I tolerated all the injustices in China. I guess as an expatriate of many years I do not see the issues here as too unique from those threatening people everywhere. And I choose to laugh, or rally against, many conventions and notions that I hope will pass with time.

I spent a little time surfing the net today and found items from outside of China that would be downright hilarious if they weren't authentic.

If you think China is hyper-vigilant then you haven't been to "Silly Dillingham" (click on the picture for the site that showed me this):

The teeming Alaskan micropolis of Dillingham (population: 2,400, traffic lights:0) received a $202,000 grant from the Department of Homeland Security to install 80 surveillance cameras to protect its port. That is about twice the number they have installed in Anchorage.

The cameras update every 15 minutes or when there is movement. This picture was taken today (really!) and I roared at the sentiment of one of the locals:
BIG BROTHER

Here is the LIVE feed from Sillingham just in case you don't believe me. Maybe by now our sand writer has bettered his prose: SILLINGHAM BY THE SEA

Now here is a group that REALLY opposes China's one child policy. Well, they have a NO child policy that they think we should all adopt. The call themselves the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement and their motto (With apologies to Leonard Nimoy) is: "Live Long and Die Out" though. I think "Die out and Do not Foster" would have been my choice.
DIE SOON AND DO NOT FOSTER
And as evidenced by the logo they, unlike the Heaven's Gate crew, don't do web design.

Now the next one really threw me. I was absolutely sure this was a fraud. But, it really is a disaster preparedness book by an former hotel employee. My personal favorite paragraph in the ad was:

"You can’t afford to wait! For only $29.95 you can buy emergency insurance for your future and I’ll send you a FREE copy of my new ebook, Secrets of Popcorn and Peanut Butter, a $12.95 value. You don’t need to wait for a disaster to enjoy the special recipes I’ve included in your FREE copy of Secrets of Popcorn and Peanut Butter. Order your copy of Act Now, Survive an Emergency Later! and satisfy your snack attacks today!"

Secrets of Popcorn and Peanut Butter? Do they talk to her?
ACT NOW! And what is a guy to do that lives in China where there is a dearth of both? I will just pray (in a closet with the light out) for no calamities.

And if you get sick of wherever you are you can always be one of the first to head to the new New Hampshire and become a porcupine. They are still 19,000 or so short of their 20,000 person goal: "The Free State Project is an effort to recruit 20,000 liberty-loving people to move to New Hampshire. We are looking for neighborly, productive, tolerant folks from all walks of life, of all ages, creeds, and colors who agree to the political philosophy expressed in our Statement of Intent, that government exists at most to protect people's rights, and should neither provide for people nor punish them for activities that interfere with no one else....You don't have to wait until we have 20,000 signatures to move, of course, but that option is there to let you be more secure in your decision." first to head to the new New Hampshire and become a porcupine. “The Free State Project is an effort to recruit 20,000 liberty-loving people to move to New Hampshire. We are looking for neighborly, productive, tolerant folks from all walks of life, of all ages, creeds, and colors who agree to the political philosophy expressed in our Statement of Intent, that government exists at most to protect people’s rights, and should neither provide for people nor punish them for activities that interfere with no one else….You don’t have to wait until we have 20,000 signatures to move, of course, but that option is there to let you be more secure in your decision.”

And they have a POCUPINE WELCOME WAGON! Just a guess: they bring snowshoes, macaroni and Sterno by your tent, and send out search crews to bring you in for the primaries?
FREE STATE

I am only joking guys. Laughter is good for the soul. Besides, I have enough going on here. In fact, look more closely at the activities of the Free Staters. It is truly a model of democracy in action and shows the ability of ordinary citizens to take back government. You won'’t be seeing a camera for each 30 residents there any time soon.
See: FREE STATE





Lonnie's China Blog is at: ONEMANBANDWIDTH



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posted by Lonnie at 8:29 AM  

5 Comments:

Amanda Phillips said...

19,000 short? Not really. We have 7,000+ committed to move.

And the "kook" who started it all came out of a phD program at Yale, not Montana. But you were close.

1:10 PM  
Lonnie said...

Amanda...It was just saatire, BUT, I have been away for a long time and did more research on the movement thanks to kind, articulate comments from someone in the organization.

I am awed and inspired by the movement.

The term "kook" was a dig at Turner for his comments of long ago.
I have removed it because I am so in agreement with the tenets of the organization that I won't add that monicker to a group when someone who may not understand my poor joke.

I really hope the rest of the country gets a clue and follows in the path of the Free Staters.

Movements "like" it are afoot here. Yes, believe it or not. And hundreds are dying yearly to bring self rule back to rural communities.

There will be porcupines here one day...I truly believe it....

LON

4:17 PM  
Amanda Phillips said...

Hey, thanks for revising it. And please... satirize us any time!

6:30 PM  
Save Grafton said...

The FSP is so dead satire is not funny any more.

It was nice of Amanda to step down as FSP president.

10:21 AM  
Denis Goddard said...

We early movers to the Free State now have not one, but two significant victories under our belt!

First, we have drastically reduced the amount of regulation for those who choose to homeschool in the state of New Hampshire, thanks to the efforts of a homeschooling Mom who was one of the first people to move as part of the Free State Project.

Second, we succeeded in defeating a proposed smoking ban, that was widele expected to sail through both houses and be signed into Law by now.

With less than 400 people in the state (250 of whom were NH residents before the Project voted on which state would become the Free State), I'd say we are doing pretty darn well!
Indeed, I've come to the conclusion that the biggest mistake of the Project was to set the target of 20,000 members. From what I can see with my "boots-on-theground" perspective, I suspect 200-300 more activists like the ones who are already here, would suffice to make New Hampshire the most Free state in the union on every issue - from guns to drugs to taxes - in the next three or four years.

10:06 PM  

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