With the global rise in food prices finally catching up to Germany and the rest of continental Europe, and clearly at a loss as to what to do about it, German Chancellor Angela Merkel appears to have lost her nerve and has been repeatedly caught hoarding groceries at Berlin supermarkets near the Regierungsviertel (Berlin’s government district).

“Why that nasty little hamster,” one shopper was heard to mutter while witnessing a particularly disgusting hoarding incident (Germans call hoarding Hamsterkauf, meaning “hamster shopping”). “Big shots like her get waited on hand and foot all day long while we working folks have to well, work all day for a living. And then they muscle their way in here when we want to do our shopping and buy up all of our groceries, too? That does it. I’m going to start hoarding now myself.”

Rising global food demand and freakish weather – and the latest trend to utilize crops for biofuels – are slowly but surely pushing up food prices all over the planet. One indicator, Standard & Poor’s GSCI Excess Return Index, which measures the price movements of eight agriculture commodities, has gone up 10% in the past year. And pampered European shoppers will be looking at some of the highest increases.

“Und trotzdem (But still),” said another appalled shopper. “There’s no reason to panic like that when you’re the Chancellor of Germany, is there? Or does she know something that we don’t know yet? Maybe I’ll take that second pallet of UHT-milk home with me tonight after all.”

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