As if all the low ratings raining down upon Standort Deutschland (business place Germany) these days weren’t bad enough, now it’s turned out that German businessmen don’t even know how to bribe properly. Transparency International has determined that on a scale of one to ten, they call it their “Bribe Payers-Index” (BPI), Germany is way down on the totem pole with a measly 7.34 points. Wie peinlich (how embarrassing).

World class players like China, Russia, India and Turkey have left the Germans choking in the dust, it seems. Not only are the others out there “competing” with microscopic wages, buying leading-edge technologies and building up unbeatable service industries, they’re bribing the pants off of anybody who tries to get in their way.

“But it’s not that you Germans are less corrupt than the rest of us,” one Far Eastern insider said, doing his best to try and cheer everybody up. „It’s just that your bribes are so awfully low”.

Come visit me at Observing Hermann…

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