Their ears still ringing in the wake of the environmentally-friendly Live Earth global concert marathon, and reeling from the waves of new orders and carbon-neutral greenbacks pounding down upon them (the emphasis is on green here), Boeing technocrats are scrambling to explain to confused stockholders how it is that an American technology can suddenly be perceived as being more politically correct than a European one.

“No, no,” said one nervous Boeing bigwig, wiping beads of sweat off his brow with the back of his sleeve, just hours before the big 787 Dreamliner unveiling. “It’s not what you think. It’s not like that at all. We’re still the same old profit-hungry and militarily complex capitalists we used to be. Honest. It’s just that those Airbus pukes beat us to the draw with that A380 monstrosity of theirs and we have to build something, you know. We’re friggin’ Boeing after all.”

Big investors around the world have expressed continued concern about a series of Boeing production blunders which have led to a clear reduction of carbon emissions while keeping passenger comfort and interior design in mind. Using lightweight carbon-fiber for the fuselage and wings, the bumbling American aircraft manufacturer unwittingly reduced the 787’s weight. It also accidentally increased the fuel efficiency of its latest engines, yielding an overall reduction of fuel consumption to almost 30%. Because of the new materials, the humidity in the cabin can be much higher than before, which will provide for better passenger comfort, another big blunder.

“How the hell is that supposed to work?” wondered one irate zillionaire stockholder. “Do you really think that people out there in this day and age are going to be willing to fly in a comfortably designed, ultra-modern aircraft that doesn’t spew tons of carbon and other pollutants into the air? And that wasn’t made in Europe, I mean? Like what planet are you living on?”

Boeing spokesmen countered by saying that they are still open to any viable counterproductive suggestions to offset such valid concerns, although time is rapidly running out as production is unfortunately right on schedule.

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