Its founder, Nathan Gwillian is also a fundamentalist Christian. That’s all fine and dandy, yet not everybody paints adoption with the same brush.

I don’t like the fact one cannot discuss agencies openly. “Take it to private email”. Okay, take it to private email, leaving many PAPs in no man’s land if they’re getting the hard sell from certain “adoption professionals”. Adoption professionals who advertise heavily on the site itself.

Many of those questionable agencies pay to advertise on adoption.com. They have the right to do that. Those of us who had bad experiences with these agencies have to get the word out about it. But you can’t do that on adopiton.com.

I for one read Mirah’s book. At least she was willing to talk about things so many AParents, PAPs and “adoption professionals” push under the rug. Especially corruption in foreign adoptions. BTDT have the website:

http://www.bewareofbbas.org

A fresh start to this discussion is needed. One where misleading statements, name calling and outright lies are not a part of it. But opening another forum under the same umbrella where these negative tactics have prevailed for over a week now is not the way to achieve that. This already appears to be one where everytime someone who disagrees makes a point, the moderator is going to jump in and have the last word. Since every hit on Adoption.com transfers dollars from their advertisers to their coffers, it’s a perfectly understandable tactic in the tradition of yellow journalism.

Most of us who seek to reform adoption believe it is a viable option, although not always the best one. Adoption is certainly fraught with problems as practiced in the USA and elsewhere. It is inflamatory to paint all reform activists with the same broad brush. The FIRST leaders of the reform movement are adult adoptees, most of whom had near idyllic childhoods, but saw the need for reform. From my earliest memories, many adoption professionals were also eager for reform; the Child Welfare League of America has been involved in seeking reform of the adoption industry as long as I can recall. Many adoptive parents supported their grown children’s efforts, but more recently, the adoptive parents of minor children have added their voices to those calling for change. Until about a decade ago, most of the birth parents I knew were mothers involved in search & reunion efforts; that has changed as more and more birth fathers have joined us — and birth parents long ago became advocates of reform. There are fringe elements in the reform community who would abolish adoption just as there are fringe elements in the adoption community who style themselves as “pro-adoption” and anyone who disagrees with the practices they endorse as “anti-adoption.”

The element of the adoption community that is most dangerous is the element who profits from it. Any journalist worth his/her salt can tell you, when you want to know what’s wrong with something, you just follow the money.

So much like all in the anti-adoption brigade who attack everyone, put out mile after mile of misinformation and plop the word “reform” where “abolish” is what is actually meant, your entire “I know you are, but what am I?” playground argument is tedious and brainless.

What exactly are you doing to reform adoption?

The jig is up, and no one but the miseryt-loves-company-gang is buying it any longer. The tactics aren’t working, no matter how underhanded and fraudulent. Adoptive parents are done with pussyfooting around and trying to make nice with those who would so happily sacrifice the world’s children on the alter of personal regrets and sour grapes hidden in a fog called ‘reform’.

The original article has a lot of truth, but doesn’t give enough details.
There have been cases of baby farming in some countries, but the dirty little secret is that often this is exaggerated by activists who feel guilty about exporting their children. However, given the millions of street kids in those same countries, I am not horrified at their horror stories.

I adopted from Colombia, where there are strict laws. First the children are placed with family, then with locals, then placed overseas. As a single mom, I was at the bottom of the list. I like boys, so asked for and got two older siblings who couldn’t be placed elsewhere (four of their siblings were placed with other family members or friends, but no one wants boys over age eight).

However, there are also a lot of anti adoption people in the US who oppose adoption because they had an abortion and have a psychological need to smear those who sacrifice to carry a child to term and allow someone else to raise them.
As for adoptees, most don’t care, but many have a pain inside that feels their mother hated them, and they too need healing.

My oldest needed to work out anger at his mother’s death and anger that no one wanted him and he lived on the street for two years. He still has anger at me and the world, but would his anger be less if he had gone back to the street at age 16?

Adoption is not about rich Hollywood types or yuppies making a social statement. It is about finding a home for a child. The best home is a child’s own family (which is why I condemned Madonna’s adoption of a boy whose mom died, and family couldn’t afford formula so put him in an orphanage. He had family…she could have sent them twenty dollars a month and kept the family together).

Family ties are best, placement in extended family is next best. Placement in one’s own culture and country is next best.
But if the choice is a crowded orphanage, or living on the street, or going from one foster home to another, then please consider adoption.