Cage-like conditions, the lights always on, little food and practically none of it organic, no cell phones or Internet surfing allowed, the list goes on and on. Shocked German lawyers are now filing charges of false imprisonment against the German government for the brutal perversion of justice it committed by arresting rock-throwing G8 demonstrators and keeping them detained under these unspeakable conditions for several hours in a row.

They are also welcoming some unexpected support from top-level personnel at the Degrading Conditions Department of the European Branch of the Paris Hilton Defense Agency who have volunteered to share their extensive experience with them.

“There is no legal basis for an action like this,” says one visibly concerned anarchist lawyer who had just been briefed by a leading expert of the several thousand strong Hilton defense team. “To keep such bird-brained, clueless, pampered, and overindulged human beings locked up in cages like this blatantly violates what little human dignity they still have left. And to then openly report about their incarceration and even film it, well, I’m just speechless. This type of unbearable voyeurism has to stop immediately.”

Not able to agree more, German justice officials have long ago released the dopey demonstrators and still can’t quite figure out what all the fuss is about. Hilton defense team experts, for their part, are scrambling to try and figure out how the Germans managed to get out of jail so quickly, without having to be tossed right back in again, that is.

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