President George W. Bush has mysteriously fallen ill after a short meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin during the G8 summit in Heiligendamm, Germany. One source close to the President noted that he began to feel a little woozy shortly after drinking some tea which had been personally prepared for him by the reptilian-tongued Russian leader.

Bush had to skip this morning’s session of G8 leaders because he woke up in the middle of the night with an upset and slightly glowing, somewhat greenish-looking stomach. The President’s military doctor does not know whether it is a stomach virus, something Mr. Bush ate or just another common everyday variety of Russian polonium poisoning.

“We don’t think it was the enchiladas he asked for last night after dinner. After that pitiful European ‘nouvelle cuisine’ so-called dinner they served up last night, I should say,” the doctor said. “It could have been the Ben and Jerry’s we brought, though. A virus is unlikely. And if it’s polonium, hell, that ain’t no big deal, either. We’ve developed methods of flushing that stuff out in no time.”

Putin’s staff has vehemently denied “any such ridiculous claims” and has countered by insisting that the British MI5 is behind it all. They have also insinuated that Bush’s stomach began turning the instant he reached a compromise with host Angela Merkel on pursuing cuts in greenhouse gases and to work with the United Nations in order to clinch a new global warming deal by 2009.

“Ridiculous,” replied one White House spokesman. “Although I must say that my stomach starts turning just thinking about that one, too.”

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