In a move planned to counteract Angela Merkel’s attempts to hammer out a binding agreement between the leading industrial powers on limiting the emission of greenhouse gases during the coming G8 summit in Germany, George W. Bush has called for 15 major Dreckschleuder (filth belching) nations to come up with a global goal for carbon emission reduction but decide for themselves how to reach it. Merkel, not to be outdone by this however, quickly retaliated by brazenly welcoming Bush’s climate change proposal as being “common ground on which one can act”.

Stunned at Merkel’s positive response, and also shocked at seeing the first pictures of the fenced-in Heiligendamm compound they will be held captive in during their stay at the summit, Whitehouse spokesmen were speechless for once and quickly retreated back to the Oval Office for further counterproposal conferencing and an impromptu wound licking session.

“What the hell is that, Stalag 13 or something?” asked one dumbfounded Secret Service agent when showed the G8 compound photos. “I mean, if the President refuses to sign those papers they want him to sign and stuff, uh, are they going to ever let us back out again? I’ve got a wife and kids, you know.”

Not giving Washington anymore time to think, Merkel continued to push on with her excessive praise. “I think the President’s wonderful speech makes it clear that no one can get past climate change any more,” she said of the proposal. “It is essentially caused by humankind.”

Of course later, privately among her closest aides, she is also reported to have said: “But his speech also makes it clear that no one can get past Bush yet, either. And he is essentially caused by humankind, too.”

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