Fed up with Washington’s inability to reach an agreement on climate change with the rest of the “real” world during the upcoming G8 summit, and determined to keep his carbon footprint at an absolute minimum, a frustrated German prisoner of world climate war will be attempting to escape American captivity and head back to Europe using a homemade and environmentally-friendly raft made of reeds and eucalyptus.

The frustrated German school teacher (and heaven knows there are lots of them) will be trying to escape New Jersey and the rest of the country at an undisclosed point in time with eleven other hyper-concerned climatic refugees. This will greatly increase their chances of escape and virtually guarantee maximum media coverage. How and even why he and the others were taken prisoner and imprisoned on US soil in the first place remains a mystery at this time, but being that they put this guy in New Jersey, he must be one bad hombre.

“That no one over here sees how brilliant Berlin’s world-climate-saving proposal is, you know, to allow big companies to buy and sell these super cool, environmentally-friendly certificates in the future which will entitle them to continue releasing unacceptably high amounts of carbon into the atmosphere, well, that just frustrates the hell out of me. All the United States wants to do is to fight climate change by deploying new technologies and encouraging the use of renewable energy. Like, how stupid is that? I’m outta here.”

How long it will take the politically correct raft to reach the Brave New Old World is uncertain at this time, but provided nobody starves to death, it should be able to make it before the next G8 summit. No, not this one, the one following Heiligendamm.

Come visit me at Observing Hermann…

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