Germans suffer from this strange, incurable disease. They are not even aware of the fact that they have it, that’s how strange it is. And if you don’t even know that you have a disease, how can you cure it, right? It’s a disease that has to do with dead sheep, the German obsession with order and speeding motorists. Like I said, strange. And incurable.

It goes like this: All big predators (the animal kind) were wiped out in Germany about 150 years ago. Nobody living today has ever had contact with a dangerous wild animal in the German wild for as long as anyone can possibly remember (their over-bred dogs don’t count). But then, all of a sudden, these animals show up again (must be climate change or something) and kill a sheep or two and everyone goes completely ape waste. That’s the disease. The strange and incurable one, I mean. The one that doesn’t have a name. So, for lack of a better term, and you can bet that there are better terms out there, I’m going to call it The Little Red Riding Hood Syndrome, or LRRHS for short.

You remember, don’t you? First it was Bruno, then it was The Wolves of The East (sounds like a Playboy spread), then it was Grimm Horror, then The Knut Death Threat (and he doesn’t even live in the wild or eat sheep). Now it’s The Wolves of The North. The Wolf, I mean. The one that just got run over by a speeding motorist (they always speed here, even when they’re not speeding).

Germans just don’t like wild animals, you see. Wild animals are by definition unordentlich (unorderly) and that is intolerable here (see “Wolf Management“). At least it is when you suffer from LRRHS.

Come visit me at Observing Hermann…

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