In a constructive move that is widely seen as a great step forward in increasing Germany’s international credibility, German Chancellor Angela Merkel has spent the past few days pissing off and offending practically anybody she can get her hands on.

Her spring offensive offensive began by “offending the Palestinians’ feelings” during her visit earlier this week with Palestinian Authority Chairman Mahmoud Abbas. She not only had the nerve to try what she could to gain the release of the IDF captive Gilad Schalit, she refused to visit the wall Israel has built around Bethlehem, thus foiling the Palestinian plan to draw parallels between it and the Berlin Wall.

In another equally offensive more, Merkel also disgraced Syria by urging that country to stop allowing arms smuggling across its border into Lebanon and suggesting it ought to try setting up diplomatic ties with its neighbor instead. Such unreasonable demands are not looked kindly upon in many Middle Eastern cultures as not being able to kidnap and kill people and blow stuff up any longer constitutes a loss of face or something.

An unnamed official in Washington was delighted to see Merkel adeptly stepping on everybody’s feet and was quick to note that the Chancellor broke all of this porcelain “without any coaching from the US government whatsoever, although I admit that its really hard to believe being that she’s doing this so damned well.”

Careful not to create the impression that she is only interested in offending people in this part of the world, Merkel went out of her way to offend the Irish during her flight back home.

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